My Darkest Days
by Independence Undervalued
Summary: Seven days. For the first time, you weren't under my watch. I didn't know where you were, I didn't know how you were, and I didn't know what to do. Those were the longest days of my life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Alrighty, I'm back(; what can I say, I can't resist the urge to write. So I'm not mapping this one out and just kinda going on the fly, so bear with me please! Feel free to point out any mistakes or anything that you see that's wrong here, but most of all, enjoy!

Forewarning - updates **will** be sporadic.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day One<strong>

It was five minutes past two in the morning.

The screen door slammed shut with a violent force before Darry wrenched it open again, flying out into the dark after Ponyboy. I stood stock still, unable to make myself move. My mind numbly registered Darry screaming for him to come back, but I knew that was useless. Ponyboy wouldn't come back until he was good and ready to. Not after that.

I felt the rage build up inside me until the edges of my vision turned red. How could he hit him? Our dad had never laid a hand on Ponyboy, so where did Darry get off thinking he had that right? As the fury boiled inside me I felt my fists clench at my sides, readying myself to show Darry just what I thought about how he treated my baby brother.

After a few minutes on the porch, Darry seemed to get the hint that Ponyboy was in no hurry to come back. He trudged silently back inside, his eyes wide and unseeing. I felt my anger subside as I frowned at his expression, wondering if he was even aware of his surroundings. The expression on his face was one I had never seen from Darry before – fear.

"Soda, what have I done?" His voice was so small, so timid that I couldn't help but cringe away from it. I had never in my life heard Darry sound so afraid.

"He'll come back, Dar. You and I both know Pony'll be home before long. He just … he needs to cool down a lil' bit. But he'll come home." Even to my ears my voice sounded false and eerie, but for the first time I had to be the rock.

Slowly, Darry brought his right hand out in front of him and stared at it like he was seeing it for the first time. An angry red mark had sprung up across his palm and as he looked at that mark, tears poured from his eyes. I was horrified, completely unsure of how to handle a Darry that was anything less than solid.

"Dar, it'll be alright. You'll see. Pone will be back soon. You gotta believe that. Alright?" I tried to steady my voice, erasing any hints of my own rage or fear.

"I hit 'im. How could I hit him? How could I do that …" he trailed off helplessly, whispering words I couldn't make out.

How could you hit him? Gee, Darry, maybe because you were worried out of your mind about him, but rather than tell him that you yelled at him. Seething thoughts raced through my mind, yet I bit them back for the time being. It wasn't the right time to confront Darry about what had happened, but I was damn sure that it would happen eventually.

"He'll be back, Darry," I said once more, trying to sound reassuring.

My older brother looked up at me, a pained expression on his face. "What are we supposed to do now? Go after 'im?"

I shook my head immediately. "No. That'll spook 'im. No, Darry I think the best thing for us to do is to wait."

"Wait," he repeated quietly, staring at the screen door as if he were silently hoping Ponyboy would spring back in at any moment.

I collapsed onto the couch and ran my hands through my hair, sighing heavily. I wished I had gone out looking for Pony when Darry had started getting antsy. I wished I had reminded him just one more time to be home early. But most of all, I wished I had stopped Darry from hitting him.

"And now, we wait."

XxX

It was almost ten o'clock.

The house was quiet, Steve and Two-Bit keeping their voices unnaturally low in the living room. Since they had scared off the last of the reporters and police officers, things had died down to an eerie lull. I almost wanted someone to come by and ask more questions just to make some noise.

When the first police officer came by and asked if we knew who Ponyboy Curtis was, I felt my stomach drop to my toes. He was dead, I thought wildly. Something happened and he'd been killed just like Mom and Dad were. I could see the same fear on Darry's pale face as he shakily answered that he was our little brother.

I never thought I would hear the words "suspected in a murder" and my brother's name in the same sentence. And when the cops mentioned Johnny too, I just about laughed in their faces. There was no way the two of them killed anyone, let alone a hot shot Soc on the wrong side of town. But as they told us about the witnesses that saw what happened, that told us that Johnny had stabbed the kid because they were hurting Pony, I felt a searing pain in my chest.

Hurting him? What had they done to him? Ponyboy was never a big kid, always scrawny. I couldn't imagine him out there hurt and on the run. The police didn't have those answers for us though and just said that they would let us know when more details came in.

My mind began racing at the thought of my baby brother out there somewhere, alone and scared and potentially hurt. I had to get to him. Only thing stopping me was the fact that I had no clue where to look.

It wasn't long after the cops left that the reporters showed up and about ten minutes after them, Two-Bit and Steve. They came through for us like always, telling the reporters what they could do with their microphones and chasing them off our lawn. Darry was silent, not speaking to anyone at all. Steve kept shooting him curious looks, but I shook my head at him.

It wasn't time to tell them what happened. Steve might not always get along with Ponyboy, but I knew that if he found out what Darry had done he'd be hot. Steve didn't hate Pone. They were just too different for their own good.

"Look, Soda I gotta get on to work. Want me to tell Ben that you can't make it today," Steve asked quietly, still looking over to Darry occasionally.

"Yeah, would ya? I wanna hang around here just in case … well just in case Pone tries callin' or the cops or somethin'."

He nodded briefly and with one last glance at my silent brother headed out the door. The slamming of the screen seemed to jar Darry and he looked up wildly. Oh geez, I realized, he's lookin' for Pony.

"Look, Darry do you want me to call Jeff and tell 'im you can't make it in today," I asked softly, still fighting to keep my anger at bay.

That seemed to spark something in him and Darry shook his head slowly. "No, I can't miss. Social worker's gonna be all over this and it won't look good if we both stay home."

"Alright, Dar. I'll take today off and you can have tomorrow. Just, take it easy, okay?"

Darry managed a weak smile and grabbed his truck keys before leaving. And just like that, silence fell once more. Two-Bit took a deep breath and I braced myself for the inevitable question, but he let the breath out in one long gust. I looked at my buddy and saw the fear in his gray eyes and it made my own eyes water up.

Glory, Ponyboy. Why'd you have to run? Why the hell did you have to run? I dropped my head into my hands and tried to steady my breathing.

"Soda, you gonna tell me what's goin' on?" His voice was quiet and careful, so different from his normal tone it caught me off guard.

"What's there to tell, Two-Bit," I muttered, my voice muffled by my hands.

I could hear him shove off from the couch and begin pacing the floor. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I knew he was running his hands through his hair like he always did when he was at a loss for words.

"Gee, I dunno. Maybe you could tell me why the kid ain't here? Or why the hell the fuzz seem to think that Johnny, lil' ole Johnny fuckin' Cade, _murdered_ someone? That ain't no slap on the hand charge, Sodapop. That's a felony crime. He could do some hard time for that. And it's _your_ kid brother that's missing! What the hell are you doin' just sittin' there …"

He struck a tender nerve and I launched myself off of the couch, a fire burning fiercely in my gut. "Don't you tell me I'm not doin' nothin'. I'm doin' the best I can right now holdin' everything together so all hell don't break loose! You think I'm not worried? Well then you're even more of a goddamn fool than I thought."

He fell silent and watched me as I paced the room like a caged animal, ready to tear him to shreds if he said one thing out of turn. As the rage started wearing off, I realized how wrong I was to lash out at my buddy, especially since he had been there for us when we needed him most, no questions asked.

"God, Two-Bit, I'm sorry."

"Don't, Soda. If I were you and it was Bonnie missin', you'd better believe I'd kick the livin' shit outta anyone that said the stuff I did. I was wrong. I just don't like bein' in the dark. I come over here before the sun is even up, with the whole damn block full of them flashin' cop lights and then when I get here, it's like Darry seen a ghost and you're just so …"

"Numb," I finished for him, collapsing into Dad's old recliner.

Two-Bit eased his way onto the couch and stared hard at me. "What happened, Soda? I gotta know. What the hell happened to make Darry look like that? 'Cause I'll be honest with you, it's scarin' the hell outta me."

I took a deep breath and considered the options – tell him or not. He could keep his trap shut real good if I asked him to, but at the same time I didn't want Darry catching shit from anyone else at this point. I didn't think he could deal with it.

"Darry and him got into it 'cause he came home about two this morning. It got pretty bad and … well Pony took off," I censored, figuring the time would come to tell him the full story.

"Shit," he sighed, leaning back in the sofa and looking five years older.

"Yeah."

Silence fell between us once more and I found myself drifting between sleep and alertness. I kept reliving those moments over and over again, searching for a way that I could have stopped it. I had tried and Darry started hollering at me. I could have handled that on my own, but he should have known Pony wouldn't stand for that.

Was it my fault?

"You know, I think it's mighty strange that our ole buddy, Dally, ain't here."

The quiet accusation in Two-Bit's voice made me look up and I realized he was right. Whenever Johnny was involved, Dally was right there in the thick of it. There was something that didn't seem right with his absence, especially with all of the talk about murder charges.

"You're right, Two. I wonder where Dal might be."

Thrilled to have something else to focus on rather than the obvious, I began to come up with all sorts of reasons that Dally wasn't there with us. Maybe he just didn't know. But of course that wasn't true because when something big went down, he knew about it as soon as it happened.

Maybe he was out working the streets for information. Though I liked that thought the most, I quickly tossed it out the window because Dally would have dropped in to at least tell us he was keeping his ears open. At least, I thought he would.

So I finally latched on to the only reasonable solution that would stick in my head – Dally was involved. Somehow, someway he had gotten in the thick of it and was lying low for a while. Whether it was to avoid the fuzz or the gang, I wasn't sure of. But I did know that whenever I happened across him, by accident or purpose, Dallas Winston was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

I looked at the clock and sighed at the time. It was going to be a long day.

It was quarter to eleven.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Good, bad, indifferent? Let me know and as always, thanks for reading(:


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** First and most importantly, I apologize lol. I really have no good excuses so I won't give you any. Just know that inspiration for this is very fleeting, but I hate leaving you all hanging. So this _will_ get finished. Promise(:

Forewarning - updates **will** be sporadic.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Two<strong>

It was just after noon.

Steve and I were getting ready to head to work when Two-Bit pulled up in his junker. I keep telling him that we should take a look at it, but he won't have it. I think he likes the noise it makes. "Gives it character", he always jokes.

"Hey, you two goin' to the DX?"

"No, idiot, we're goin' to California. 'Course we're headin' to work," Steve sneered, rolling his eyes.

Two-Bit wasn't having any of it and there was something in his eyes that caught my attention. "What gives, Two?"

He looked at me for a moment before answering. "Shepard just got hauled in. Reckon he knows somethin'?"

I shrugged and scuffed my shoes. "Dunno. Not unless Dal told him somethin'."

Steve joined the conversation, a frown on his face. "Yeah, where the hell is Dally anyhow? He out lookin' for 'em?"

I couldn't keep from scoffing at that and shook my head. "Like hell he is. He knows somethin', alright. He knows somethin' and I'll be damned if I don't find out what it is."

Silence fell among us and I stared moodily at the ground. All I wanted was my kid brother home, safe where I could protect him. I sure as hell didn't want to waste my time working when I could be out finding him. I didn't even know what town he was in, let alone if he was safe or not. What a mess.

"Well listen, I won't hold y'all up anymore, but I'll keep my ears open. Do some diggin' and find out if anyone in the shady parts of town knows somethin'. Keep your heads up though. Those Socs ain't takin' that loss too kindly. Couple of Tim's guys got jumped in the middle of town. Broad daylight."

Steve whistled and I slowly shook my head. This shit was only going to get worse, making me wish even more that I knew where Pone was.

"Thanks for the heads up, Two," Steve hollered, climbing into his car.

Two-Bit waved and headed to his own vehicle, letting us get out of the drive before him. With one last honk of the horn, we were headed to work. We got most of the way there before either of us spoke and it wasn't until we saw the fourth fight when we were at a stop light that I broke the silence.

"Tulsa's comin' apart, man. They'll be lucky if they don't have more killin's by the end of the day," I said grimly, my eyes locked on the trio duking it out on the street corner.

Steve's green eyes watched the fight carefully, prepared to stop and help if we had to. Thankfully the two greasers seemed to get the upper-hand on the larger Soc and sent him running. The stop light turned to green and we eased forward. It was the first time in a long while I had been so relieved to get to the DX.

"Well, we're late enough. C'mon," Steve groaned, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I trudged along behind him and felt the hairs rise on the back of my neck. Turning slightly, I saw a car filled with Socs slowly cruise by, four pairs of eyes staring fiercely back at me. I locked gazes with the driver and didn't flinch, even as he slowly drew his finger across his neck. The car finally pulled away from the curb and I felt Steve's hand clap on my shoulder.

His gaze was smoldering and I knew that even if he and Pone weren't best buddies, he wanted him where we could keep an eye on him just as bad as I did.

Once inside the DX, I glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. Another long day had only just started.

It was twelve thirty.

XxX

"Soda, can you go get the pump? Steve and Alex are workin' the garage and we're backin' up!"

Grimacing, I called back to my boss. "Sure thing."

I normally didn't mind working the pumps because it gave me a chance to get some fresh air. Not only that, but a good number of girls made their way through our station and it made things a bit more exciting. Today though, I'd rather be inside.

Sure enough, the reason I wanted to stay inside was parked at the pump and sneering at me. I wanted to wipe that smart-ass smirk off of his face and tell him that he oughta shove that madras shirt up his ass, but I didn't think my boss would like that too much.

Instead, I settled for, "Just need it filled?"

"Well sure, _grease_. Figure that's all that tiny brain of yours can handle at once, ain't that right?"

Ignoring the white hot rage boiling inside of me, I focused my attention on the filling of the tank and counted slowly in my head. _One … two … three …_

"I heard Bob Sheldon got killed last night. By a couple greasers."

_Four … five …_

"Did _you_ hear that, grease? 'S a matter of fact, I heard it was a couple of _your_ buddies that did it. That right?"

_Six … seven … eight …_

"Wanna know what happens to guys that mess with my friends?"

I'd almost made it to ten when I felt a firm grip fix itself on my arm and force my attention to its owner. "You hear me grease, or are you just plain stupid?"

It had never been harder for me to resist punching someone than it was then, but I just bit my tongue until it bled. I wouldn't give this fucker the satisfaction.

Glaring aggressively at him, I growled, "Will there be anything else for you today?"

"Yeah, there will be." The blond Soc dropped his voice to a menacing level and pulled my arm, bringing us to eyelevel. "You better hope you find that brother of yours and that other kid before we do. 'Cause if not, I can promise you Bob's won't be the only funeral in town."

"Get the fuck outta here if you wanna keep that arm."

Steve was standing beside me, his glare matching the Socs. Our coworker, Alex, was on my right, a crowbar held loosely in his hand. I watched the kid in the car quickly size us up. With one final squeeze, he shoved my arm away and started his car.

Before pulling away, he pointed a finger directly at my chest and said, "Remember what I said, grease."

With tires squealing, he sped away from the pumps, leaving the three of us staring angrily after his green Mustang. Red haze began creeping in on my vision and it took me a while to realize that Steve was talking to me.

"What?"

He looked at me, concerned, before repeating himself. "I asked you what he said before me an' Al made it over."

The haze started creeping back into my sight as I recalled his words. "He said we better find Pone and Johnnycakes before they do."

Steve's gaze darkened swiftly and he uttered a string of obscenities that would made the greasiest hood blush. I didn't care. My only focus was on that Soc and knowing that there was nothing standing between them and Pony. Except they didn't know where he was.

"We'll get 'im back, Soda. Dammit I swear if I have to I'll go out an' look for him without stoppin' until he's back home, but we _will_ find him. Both of 'em. The only way they'll get to him is over my dead body, man."

I shuddered at the phrase. "Don't say that, man. You may jinx yourself."

Steve threw a comforting arm over my shoulder and steered me back in the direction of the store. Alex walked just in front of us, grumbling under his breath about how ridiculous things were getting. I couldn't help but agree with him.

Almost as if to second the sentiments a far off siren started going off, the wailing tearing through the tense air. The three of us stopped and looked in the direction of the noise, wondering who would be getting hauled in this time and just how bad it was.

"Somethin' tells me it ain't gonna be a Soc in the back of that cop car," Alex muttered darkly.

Steve shook his head and just stared towards town. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I didn't. What was the point? The world, as we knew it, was going to hell. The only comfort that could be given to me was knowing where Pone was.

That's all I needed.

XxX

It was seven thirty when the bell over the door jingled and Two-Bit's familiar face poked inside the store.

"Hey guys, you get off at eight?"

I nodded and gestured towards the counter. "Have a seat, Two. You can head out when we do."

"Good idea. You hear those sirens earlier? That was for some kids walkin' down the street. They 'looked suspicious'. They were younger'n Pone is and they hauled 'em away in cop cars, sirens screechin'. They're out for blood, boys. It's bad."

"Yeah, I know. Some of 'em stopped by here today," I grumbled, remembering the blond Soc clearly.

Two-Bit's gaze clouded. "What happened?"

I just shrugged. "Not much. He was all talk mostly, but he was by himself. If he had been with more of 'em I bet we woulda had some real trouble."

"Dammit. I just wanna nail one of them. Shit, I'd fight any of 'em. I hate how bottled up they got everything. It ain't like we need this kinda heat."

Steve joined us at the counter and pulled out some Pepsi's for us to drink. "You hear anything about Shepard?"

Nodding, Two-Bit quickly swallowed his mouthful of soda. "Yeah, he's already out. Fuzz reckoned he didn't know enough 'cause lotta people saw him at a party during the time of the … well when the Soc turned up in the park. So they let him off. I talked to him and Tony Price earlier, but neither of them had heard too much. You might be interested to know that Dal got hauled in not long after they let Shepard out though."

Rage boiled over and I slammed my fist into the counter. "Goddammit! Now how the hell am I supposed to talk to him? I know he knows somethin', but with him in jail it ain't gonna do us one bit of good."

Alarmed, Steve grabbed my arm. "Soda, relax. They have to let him out and when they do, we'll have our shot to talk to him. Dally's our buddy, or he's supposed to be anyways. He ain't gonna run off in the middle of this shit."

"Steve-oh's right, Soda. Ain't no sense gettin' upset about it."

I shot him a death glare and he seemed to realize the foolishness of what he said. "I only meant there's no sense in gettin' all mad about Dal bein' hauled in. He'll get out soon. Always does."

Not trusting myself to speak, I settled for nodding and went to count the bills in the register. It wasn't until I got through the entire stack that I realized I hadn't noticed a single bill.

Shit.

Over at the counter, Two-Bit and Steve were talking quietly, but I ignored them. I had no right to be so pissed off with them, but I wanted nothing more than to shake both of them until I heard their brains rattle. Why the hell were they standing around completely unconcerned about where Ponyboy was? Not only that, but Johnny was gone too. And people were tossing around the term "murderer" like it was nothing.

He was no killer and my kid brother was no fugitive.

"Alright, you guys are off for the night. Be careful out there," George called from his office.

Thankful, I threw the cash back in the drawer and clocked out, not even waiting for my friends to join me outside. Standing under the light, I lit up a smoke and inhaled deeply. I made a mental note to tell Pony to cut back on his smoking as I coughed roughly. Crazy kid smoked like a freight train.

A revving engine caught my attention and I noticed the green Mustang from earlier cruising past the DX slowly, windows rolled down and four, if not five, bodies crammed inside. I stiffened my posture and felt my lip curl into a sneer.

"Hey greaser-r-r, you out by your lonesome? C'mon over here and let's have us a chat," one slurred out, his loud voice carried through the night air and drew raucous laughs from his drunken friends.

"Just stay quiet," Two-Bit muttered, appearing beside me without a sound.

"Those bastards better drive off and do it damn soon," Steve grumbled tersely.

"Aw, what's the matter boys? Cat got your tongues? That's alright, we know the story anyways. You ain't gotta tell us."

I recognized the voice as the blond from earlier and curled my hand into a fist, wishing nothing more than to drive it into his smug face. Instead I focused on thinking about Ponyboy, convincing myself I wouldn't do him any good winding up in a holding cell for the night.

The Socs seemed to get bored after a while and as one flipped us the bird, the driver raced off. I cussed after them and Two-Bit whistled lowly.

"On that note, I'm gonna head home. Make sure Bonnie don't go out wanderin' tonight. You need anything or hear anything, call me. I'd stay over, but I dunno when Ma will be home."

"Yeah, alright. Thanks, Two," I said, waving him off.

Steve and I watched as he maneuvered onto the road and roared away, no signs of anyone following him. As his taillights faded, we made our way to Steve's car, climbing in silently. We were heading home and that was one place I had no desire to be.

Darry would be there and Pony wouldn't be. It was all so wrong and yet there wasn't a damn thing to do about it. I should have gone after him when he ran. My gut told me to chase him down, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave Darry looking the way he had. Just like I couldn't leave him now, even though I wanted to.

If he thought I had forgotten him hitting Pone, he had another thing coming. Yet he had just started waking up from whatever kind of funk he was in and I didn't think it was best to jump on him just now. But I would.

"We're here," Steve said quietly, breaking into my thoughts.

"Thanks, Stevie."

He was my best buddy and he knew I needed him to just be there without speaking. It was a benefit of growing up together. We clambered out of the car and towards the front door. I hesitated on the steps in front of the house before shoving the screen open.

"Dar, we're here."

I saw his icy eyes light up for a moment and I realized how what I said must have sounded. Of course he was expecting Pone and me. _I_ still expect it.

"Sorry. I meant Steve an' me."

He nodded briefly and rubbed his face wearily, leaning back in our dad's old recliner. That struck a nerve for some reason and I felt my temper flare. He had no right to sit in that chair. The man that belonged there was the kindest, most devoted father in the world. My dad would never have hit any of us and least of all Pony. Darry had no right to sit there. He had no right to _be_ there.

"So Superman, you hear anything today," Steve asked, shooting me a significant look to watch myself.

Before Darry could answer though, I was already lashing out. "Oh don't pretend like you give a shit, Steve. We all know you hate Ponyboy, so don't act like you're waitin' for news. You just tolerate him 'cause you know it pisses me off otherwise. Stop actin', 'cause you sure ain't foolin' anybody around here."

I stormed into the kitchen, leaving my awestruck best friend standing stock still in the living room. I began washing the dishes in the sink, slamming them on the counter as I finished with them. Low voices came from the living room and after a little while, I heard heavy steps making their way towards the kitchen.

The harder I scrubbed at the plates, the worse I began feeling. I had no right to shout at Steve and everyone here knew it. It wasn't like he meant to fight with Ponyboy. They just didn't dig each other. And I was just sore because everything about my world was wrong. What was I supposed to do?

"Soda, you oughta go talk to him. You and I both know you didn't mean that stuff." Darry's quiet voice spoke from behind me and I whirled around to face him.

He looked like he had aged about fifty years in the past day, taking any of the remaining fight out of me. I couldn't get on his case like this and I knew he was right about Steve.

Instead of saying so, I nodded and wiped my hands on the dishrag. When I went into the living room, Steve was already making up the couch for the night with blankets and pillows. Who was I to say he didn't care?

"Stevie, I'm – "

He held up a hand and stopped me before I could finish. "Don't, Soda. I'm not mad, alright? Look I know I ain't been the nicest to the kid, but he just … I don't get him. You know that. But that don't mean I ain't ready to fight like hell to find him. I know you're upset right now, but don't forget that we're all hurtin' too, alright? Just 'cause the kid ain't my brother … "

"Ponyboy." I said grimly.

"What?"

"His name, Steve. His name is Ponyboy. Why don't you ever use it? He ain't just some kid, alright?" I collapsed into the chair and covered my face with my hands, emotions overwhelming me.

"Ah, damn. I know that, Soda. I dunno. I'm sorry, alright? When we find 'im … when we find _Ponyboy_, I'll really try for ya, okay? I mean it. But you gotta trust me. We will find them and we will get 'em home."

I wearily nodded my head and shoved off from the chair. "Thanks, man. I'm just gonna call it a night I think. You need anything, holler."

"You too, buddy. And try to actually get some sleep, Soda. If the phone rings I can grab it. Just sleep," he chided, looking at me seriously.

"Sure thing."

I made my way to our bedroom and shut the door behind me, refusing to let my eyes wander. His clothes were lying in a pile by the door because they never made it into the laundry. His drawings were sprawled across the desk. He had been working on them before Dal, Johnny, and him had gone off to the drive-in.

And looking at his pillow, still slightly indented from where he had been sleeping. Tears stung my eyes and I angrily rubbed them away, a throbbing in my jaw starting as I tried my damndest not to cry. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair that I was here, safe and warm in our house, when he was out there scared and alone.

Well no, he wasn't alone. I knew Johnny was with him and that did make me feel slightly better. They were best buds and if anything happened, I knew Johnny would protect Pony. But that was _my_ job. And I was doing terrible at it.

I flopped miserably onto the bed and pressed my face into my pillow, yelling until my throat felt like it would bleed. It didn't even come close to comparing to the ache in my chest. I didn't bother stopping the tears from escaping this time and just let it all out. All I wanted was my baby brother home, safe. Our family had lost so much in such a short time - we didn't need to lose him too.

I couldn't lose him.

Turning my tear-streaked face to the side, I stared hard at his pillow. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend he was there. I could pretend I hadn't let him run off into the dark. Wrapping my arm around his pillow, I pulled it to my chest and held it tightly. The pain that had overwhelmed me loosened slightly, but the tears didn't stop.

"Goodnight, Pone. I love you."

It was quarter to ten.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Again, my deepest apologies for the delays. I've totally lost the train of thoughts I had for this, so if you have any ideas feel free to send them my way(:


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Alrighty, here is the next chapter(: Speedy update, woo! Anyways, thanks for your patience and understanding.

Forewarning - updates **will** be sporadic.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Three<strong>

It was one thirty.

I was itching for a fight.

It's not too often that I get that burn and crave that rush, but I was feeling it from my toes to my head. There's nothing that would take care of it, except for beating the ever loving shit out of someone. And I really didn't care who it was.

Getting up, I turned the television off and paced the living room like a caged animal. Darry was at work and I was stuck at home, waiting for the phone to finally ring with some good news. It sat in its cradle though, taunting me with its silence.

None of our friends bothered calling anymore. Not even Sandy. I had lit into Tim Shepard for calling just to check in on us and word spread fast that unless they had something to say about where Pony and Johnny were, they'd better do it in person. So the phone stopped ringing altogether.

I'm not sure if I like the silence better or worse.

It gave me a lot more time to think, which wasn't all that great. My mind was reeling with the endless possibilities of what had happened to Pone and where he had ended up. Shit, he could have been halfway to Mexico by now.

Or he could be hurt. Or worse.

No. Don't think that. Searching for a distraction, I grabbed the nearest pillow and hurled it at the wall, watching as it hit with a dull thud. It wasn't enough to stop the thought from finishing itself. The one that woke me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

Ponyboy could be dead and I wouldn't even know it.

A lead weight dropped in my gut and my mouth went dry like it did every time I let that thought in my head. The reason it scared me so damn bad and the reason I couldn't shake the overwhelming fear I had from it was the truth of it. The truth was like a slap in the face and there was no way I could deny that he could be dead right at this very minute.

And I was standing in the middle of my living room like the idiot I was, not doing a damn thing.

A knock sounded on the screen door and before I could turn, Tim was making his way into the living room.

"Hey, Curtis. I heard somethin' you may wanna know, but it ain't exactly about the kid," he said, his penetrating gaze scanning the room quickly, taking in my obviously flustered appearance.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Dal's out."

Those were two of the words I needed to hear right then and I nodded quickly, calling a quick "Thanks" over my shoulder before heading to my room to find my shoes. It was about time I paid our good friend a visit. He couldn't hide from me forever.

In the living room I heard the door open once more and more voices making their way inside the house. The last thing I needed was more distractions and I headed down the hall, ready to tell whoever came in that I didn't have the time to chat.

Two-Bit and Steve stood by the door, both with set expressions.

"You guys hear?"

They both nodded and Steve pulled out his keys. "We figured we oughta go along with you. Just in case."

I wasn't in the mood to argue and didn't feel like wasting any more time, so I simply nodded. "Let's go."

The three of us headed out of the house without speaking, each one of us lost in thoughts of our own. All I could envision was my baby brother, scared and possibly hurt, going to Dally in the middle of the night for help. It made perfect sense and I mentally hit myself for not putting it together right away.

My hands curled into fists on my lap and I felt myself grin despite the situation. Maybe I'd get that fight I'd been wanting. It would feel awful good to punch that smirk off of Dal's face for once. He knew. And I was going to find out whatever it was that he was hiding.

It was two fifteen.

XxX

I stalked into Bucks, not bothering to acknowledge any of the casual greetings thrown my way. There was only one person I cared to talk to right about then and as I quickly scanned the room, I didn't see him.

Steve and Two-Bit came up behind me, arms crossed and stances strong. We were there for business and weren't going to take anybody's bullshit.

Buck was nervously cleaning the bar counter and called out to us. "H-hey guys. You lookin' for a d-drink or somethin'?"

"Shut up, Buck. You know why we're here," Two-Bit spat.

The older boy fell silent and sullenly nodded towards the stairs, giving us permission to do whatever it was we came for. I nodded my head gratefully and made my way to the second floor.

I stood outside of his room, listening for sounds on the other side. He didn't disappoint.

"Come on in. Saw you guys comin' from the lot, man."

Steve scoffed just behind me and with my eyes rolling, I threw the door open.

Dally was sitting on the bed, carelessly smoking a cigarette and staring out the window. He looked like the poster boy for relaxation and it pissed me off more than I thought it would. After a few moments of silence, he finally looked up.

"So what brings you boys down here," he drawled, his icy blue eyes sizing me up.

"Cut the shit, Dallas. You know why I'm here. Where the fuck did you send my kid brother? And don't feed me the bull. I ain't gonna buy it."

With those words I quickly crossed the distance between the two of us and found myself inches from the older teen, blood pounding in my ears and my fists ready at my sides. I could hear Steve and Two-Bit at the door, unsure what they should do, but I ignored them. This was between Dally and me.

"Look, man, I dunno what you're talkin' about. Like I told those cops, I dunno where those kids ran off to. I'm sure they're fine though, man. Johnny ain't stupid." He took a deep drag of his smoke and put it out with the heel of his boot, calmly looking at me again.

I wanted to beat that smug look right off of his face. Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, I shoved him against the wall, ignoring the loud smack his head made as it came in contact with the wall. He deserved it and if I had my way, he'd get more. I was done with the games.

"Where is he, Dallas? You know. I ain't stupid. Where did you send Ponyboy?"

He was silent for a minute and I hoped wildly that he was about to give me something, _anything_, that would tell me where he was. Instead, Dally quietly said, "It ain't just Pony that's gone, man. Johnny's with him, too. Johnny's gone, too."

I felt a sneer creep across my face and I allowed myself to laugh. "You're right, Dal. He's your buddy, ain't he? So why aren't you lookin' high and low for him? Any other time Johnny's in trouble you're right there in the middle of it, fightin' for him. So why the hell are you sittin' back on your fat ass now, acting like you don't got a damn care in the world? You know where he is, dammit! Tell me somethin', you son-of-a-bitch!"

Before my fist could make contact with his face, Two-Bit and Steve were between us. Dally had pulled his arm back as well and if the two of them hadn't stepped in, things would have gotten ugly. And that was just fine with me.

"No, let me fight him! I don't give a shit what happens, but he knows where they are dammit and I deserve to know! He's my little brother! Don't you get that? He's my fuckin' brother," I shouted, rage endlessly coursing through my veins, propelling me forward and against Steve's iron grip.

"Soda, no. He ain't gonna tell you anything, man. I know he's your brother. We all know. Just cool it. C'mon, Pop. Cool it," Steve urged, shoving me back and away from Dally's tensed form.

"Look I'll tell you what I told the cops. Those kids are prolly in Texas by now for all I know, alright? But I don't know where the fuck they are. Don't start shit you can't finish, Curtis. I don't wanna fight you, man," Dally growled, straightening his shirt and sitting heavily on the bed, lighting up again.

"Fuck you, Dallas," Steve hissed, glaring angrily at our friend.

Two-Bit stared at him for a moment, before making a break for the door. The three of us stared after him before Steve finally put it together. He shot Dally another fierce glare and shook his head.

"Texas? Are you havin' fun fucking with us Dally or do you really just think we're all idiots?" With that, he took off after our other buddy.

Dal shook his head slowly and leaned back against the headboard of the bed, closing his eyes as he breathed out the smoke. I ran my hands through my hair roughly and turned to walk out of the door when something caught my eye - a burst of color in the monotonously yellow room, tucked almost completely under Dally's mattress.

Opening one eye, Dally looked at me in confusion and made a valiant effort to shove me away from the bed as I lunged forward, but I was too fast. In my hand was all of the evidence I needed. Dally knew where they were, alright. He knew because he sent them there. Just like I'd thought.

I held up Ponyboy's jacket and just stared. No words came to me, but the emotions were fading. I just wanted the truth and I knew that I deserved it. Judging by Dally's guilty expression, I knew he saw that too.

"Dal, where are they? I just wanna know where he is, man." My voice lost all of the fury and I sounded like a tired, old man.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. "Soda, I can't tell you. If the fuzz come 'round again … I just can't tell you where they are."

"Dammit, Dal," I cried, my voice cracking slightly. "I ain't gonna rat you out! You have no idea what we're goin' through at home, do you? How do you know they're alright? Was Pony alright when they came here? Or did you just ship 'em off without a care?"

"Now you just hang on there. You think I'd do that, man? Pony was wet, so I gave 'im a change of clothes so he didn't get sick. That's why his shirt was still here. But they were fine. Scared as hell, but fine. And if you're really askin' me if I'd just throw 'em outta here and tellin' me I dunno what you guys are feelin', then you're a dumbass. Johnny's my buddy, man. I'm just as worried as you are."

"No. You know where they are, Dal. You can sleep at night knowin' that. I don't even get that much."

I turned and headed for the door, nothing more left for me to say. He was a stubborn pain in the ass and when Dally decided to hold his tongue, there was no way I was getting any more out of him. Just before I shut the door, he proved me wrong.

"Curtis."

"What," I asked wearily, not bothering to turn around.

He hesitated, but said, "They're alright. I wouldn't send Pony off like that, man. And I sure as hell wouldn't send Johnny."

I nodded to show I heard and headed down the stairs, clutching Ponyboy's shirt in my hand tightly. That was as close as I could get to him at the moment and I wasn't letting go. What Dally said eased some fears I had, but it didn't get me any closer to finding him. I wasn't any closer to bringing him home than I was when he ran out.

Out on the front porch I found Steve and Two-Bit in a heated discussion. My ears weren't registering their words though as my mind only focused on the shirt in my hand.

As they realized I was standing there, I saw Steve's gaze land on Ponyboy's sweatshirt and he frowned.

"Where'd that come from? Wasn't the – I mean, Pony wearin' that when he went to the drive-in?"

I nodded vaguely. "Yeah. It was in Dal's room."

"So that means he _does_ know where they are. Should we go back up there? What else did he tell you, Soda?"

Steve's attention was completely on me now, but Two-Bit was still staring off absently towards the parking lot. I just shrugged and stepped past Steve, instead putting a hand on my other friends shoulder.

"What's on your mind, Two?"

He raised a shoulder half-heartedly and fixed me with an unreadable stare. "You're kiddin' me, right? Dal said they'd be on their way to Texas by now and you two are sittin' here on your asses, not goin' after them. Why the hell not? We know where they are, we oughta be goin' and getting them!"

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes and instead leaned against the post. "Two, he just told the cops that to throw them off. 'S a matter of fact, if he said they went South, the odds are they went North. Ain't no point following any leads he gives us. Dally's full of shit."

With that, I shoved away from the porch and began slowly making my way towards Steve's car. I wasn't sure why, but I felt so defeated. It was like I had come this close to getting some news on Ponyboy and now I was walking away completely empty handed. Well, I corrected, not completely.

Holding his shirt close, I sighed heavily. So he had been soaked through by the time Pone and Johnny got to Dally's. And the Soc had been found by the fountain. Which meant that Ponyboy had somehow gotten in the water at some point during the fight. My poor baby brother. What the hell had they done to him?

"So that's it? You just throw out the only lead we have on where they might be," Two-Bit asked, staring incredulously after me.

"Two, leave it alone. Soda's right. Whatever Dally said is shit and you know it. There's nothing we can do. We're back to square one," Steve muttered, a hand on Two-Bit's arm.

"Let's just go home, alright," I asked, getting slightly irritated.

The guys nodded and we weaved through the lot to Steve's car, filing in quietly. While I really did appreciate Two-Bit's determination to find our friends, I didn't understand his naivety. Dally wasn't an idiot and he sure as hell wasn't going to tell me where he sent Johnny and Pony. Why couldn't this all be over?

XxX

It was quarter to nine.

The three of us were sitting around, watching some reruns quietly when Darry got home. He trudged in the door and threw his jacket on the ground, heavily sighing. I rolled my eyes at his noise and crossed my arms across my chest. I wasn't in the mood for my big brother tonight.

"Hey guys, what have you been up to," he called, heading to the bathroom to clean up.

Steve glanced at me and I shook my head slightly. We had agreed that now wasn't the time to tell him about our visit to Dally. I would do it when I felt like it and that certainly wasn't now.

"Not a whole lot," Steve hollered back, turning his attention back to the show on T.V.

Darry rumbled back through the living room and into the kitchen, not glancing up as he passed us by. "Well the house is kinda sloppy. Soda you oughta tidy up a bit, just in case the Social Worker comes by. We gotta get Ponyboy's stuff put away so we can pass it off as him bein' off at camp."

My anger flared once more and I leapt up from the chair, going into the kitchen after him. "The house is messy? That's what you're gonna bitch about tonight, Dar? Are you kidding me right now?"

He turned and faced me, crossing his arms across his chest with a frown. "Soda, don't give me that attitude alright? Not tonight. I'm really not in the mood. Jeff was ridin' my ass all day, I'm hot and I'm tired, and I don't feel like comin' home to a pig sty."

Throwing my hands in the air, I laughed. "Well good God Almighty, Darry. The house bein' a mess is the biggest problem we have right now, you're damn right. Where the _hell_ is your head at, huh? In case you forgot, Ponyboy ain't exactly here right now. Or did you conveniently forget about him runnin' off? Maybe you forgot _why_."

Darry's face turned red and any other time, I would have backed down. I knew I was pushing him to his brink, but I just didn't care. It was damned time I let him know that what he had done was not okay with me. It was about time someone stood up for Ponyboy here.

"You know I didn't forget about him, Sodapop! That's why I asked you to take care of things around here, in case that Social Worker comes askin' about him," Darry thundered back, glancing uncertainly at our two friends standing hesitantly in the kitchen doorway.

"So you want me to pack his shit up like he was never here? Wouldn't that be a great sight for him to come home to – all of his stuff packed in boxes in the closet like we never gave a shit at all. You're an even bigger ass than I thought, Dar. God you're so full of it! And did you ever consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, I was out trying to find our kid brother today? Maybe _that's_ why I didn't have time to clean up the mess here? Or do you think I'm just another good for nothin' brother?"

"You watch your mouth, kiddo. You're pushin' it too far," he growled, getting closer to me.

"What are you gonna do, Darry? Hit me?" My voice came out a hiss, my hands clenched at my sides.

His face tensed up and I saw pain flash through his eyes. It didn't discourage me though. In fact, it only added fuel to my raging fire.

"Guys, relax," Steve started behind me, but it was too late.

My right fist swung in a perfect arch, almost in slow motion, through the air before firmly connecting with Darry's jaw. The loud _crack_ seemed to resonate through the house and everyone froze. Darry stared at me, his eyes wide and emotionless.

Without another word, I turned and shoved past our friends. I made a beeline for our bedroom and thankfully, no one followed me. I ripped open the door and made sure to slam it effectively behind me.

Standing in the middle of my room, I felt completely helpless and tore at my hair. There was an overwhelming desire to get out of my house and just run. I wondered if this was how Ponyboy felt that night.

As I thought of my baby brother out there alone, exhaustion overcame me and I collapsed onto our bed, throwing my arm over my face. Tears burned my eyes once more and I quietly cursed their appearance. I was so tired of crying. I was tired of hurting and I was tired of being without my brother.

"I'll find you, Pone. I swear to God I will," I muttered miserably, holding his pillow tightly once more.

It was just after eleven.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks again!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** As always, I love hearing feedback whether it be good or bad! I always respond to my reviewers, but since I couldn't to **Anon** I'll do it here. (I'm assuming both reviews were from you lol.)

First and most importantly, thank you for your taking time to share your thoughts! I have to agree that I didn't particularly care for the way the last chapter ended and that the camp idea was a bit out there. I will be tweaking it lol. I apologize for the outlandish-ness. I _am_ glad to know that you enjoy reading Soda's emotions though(:

Forewarning - updates **will** be sporadic.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Four<strong>

It was half past nine.

Steve was on his way to pick me up for work and the house was silent. Now that the night's emotions had blown over, there was just an awkward tension in its place and I had no idea how to break it. So I didn't.

Darry shuffled down the hallway and quietly closed the bathroom door behind him. I sighed, getting up to wash out my cereal bowl. I couldn't think of anything to even say to him. Even though I'd laid awake almost the entire night thinking, nothing struck me as the right thing to say.

Just let it be, I thought grimly as I fell heavily on the couch.

The front door creaked open and Steve stuck his head in cautiously. "Big guy up yet?"

I nodded. "Just started gettin' cleaned up. C'mon in, Steve."

He entered the rest of the way, still glancing towards the hall occasionally, before sitting in Darry's recliner. It was quiet in the house, the only sounds coming from the ticking clock on the mantel and the water running in the bathroom. I hated the silence. It made my skin crawl.

"You hear anything new in town," I asked, knowing the answer before he said it.

"Nah. Not a damn thing. Shit, Shepard's got guys all over the place and they haven't seen hide or hair of the kids. Dally's got 'em hid real good. I did hear that Hank Brumly and a few of his buddies hit a Soc hangout last night, though."

That caught my attention. "Yeah? What happened?"

He shrugged casually and grabbed a magazine on the table. "Nothin' really. Burned it to the ground I guess. Couple of the idiots stuck around to watch and got hauled in, but nobody got hurt."

"What a shame," I spat, covering my face with my arm.

I heard the judgment in his silence and waited for the response. "Soda, you don't mean that."

"Yeah, I know, Stevie. I know. But I wish some of them would hurt the way we are. They deserve that much, don't they?"

He didn't answer me and he didn't have to. I knew the truth. No one deserved to hurt like this. Not even those heartless bastards on the other side of town.

"He had a kid brother, you know."

His quiet tone startled me and I couldn't help but look up. "Who did?"

Steve watched me carefully as he spoke. "That Soc. Sheldon. His name's Rick."

I was about to retort with a smart 'So', but I bit my tongue. He'd had a brother waiting at home for him. Maybe to that kid, Sheldon had been the best brother in the world. Maybe to him, Sheldon had been like I was to Ponyboy.

Correction; like I _had been_ to Ponyboy.

The guilt and pain I had been shoving aside came back in full force and I groaned from the weight of it all, sinking back into the couch. Sheldon and I had more in common than I thought. And I hated it.

He had let his kid brother down. He was supposed to be there, to defend his brother no matter what. That's how being a big brother worked. But now he was gone. And now, Pony was gone. We had both failed in our roles. Thanks, Steve. I needed that.

"We'd better get goin' so we're not late for work," Steve added, shoving off from the couch.

Darry appeared silently at the end of the hall, stared blankly into space as we grabbed our stuff to go. He couldn't quite bring his eyes to meet mine, but I saw the darkened spot along the edge of his jaw where I'd nailed him. Dammit. Add that to my ever-growing list of things I've fucked up.

"We'll see ya later, Superman," Steve said, offering a rare and genuine smile in Darry's direction.

"Bye, Dar," I muttered, eyes downcast.

Without waiting for his response, I hurried out of the door to Steve's car. Thankfully he didn't press the previous conversation any further, instead telling me about his latest date with his girl, Evie. That reminded me - I hadn't exactly been too great on keeping in touch with Sandy the past few days. Shit. One more thing on the list.

"You talk to Sandy lately?"

Well golly, Steve. Why don't you just go ahead and say what I'm _really_ thinkin'?

"No, I haven't. Thought I'd call her later on today, though."

Steve nodded, oblivious to the fact that he struck a big nerve with that. "Evie said she's seemed kinda quiet lately. I told her it was prolly just her worryin' about you."

"Yeah, prolly," I agreed, only half-listening.

As we drove past town, a certain building caught my eye. I never glanced twice in its direction on any other day, but just then it stuck out. The last time I had been in there was a total disaster and I knew that it had been mostly my fault.

Ponyboy always loved going into that church.

I made a mental note to go there on my break. Even though I couldn't quite say why, something made me want to go and sit inside. Maybe clear my thoughts. Or maybe just think some more.

It was eleven.

XxX

Thankfully, Steve didn't ask too many questions when I told him where I wanted to go on my break. He dropped me off and said he'd be back in a half hour. And that was that.

Driving by, the church had seemed small and welcoming. But now, standing in front of it, I felt a strange sense of fear creep into my gut. I didn't belong here. Yet something made me hold my ground and, with a deep breath, I slowly pushed the large, mahogany door open.

The inside was just how I remembered it, big and quiet. My hands started to itch and I rubbed them anxiously on my pants. It was exactly how I felt the last time we had been inside, restless. But Ponyboy had loved coming here. So there had to be something to it, right?

I lowered myself into a pew right in the middle of the church and looked up at the modest altar. A few candles and a crucifix. There was nothing fancy about it, but it felt strangely safe. Like our home used to feel. It reminded me of how my mother made me feel and tears burned my eyes suddenly. She had that ability to make any place feel like home.

"Oh, God," I whispered, dropping my head into my hands.

Was this what people did in church? Sat in the rows and just talked to themselves? It wasn't like anyone was in here to overhear. It was just me. But it didn't feel so empty. So, I just kept talking.

"I don't know what to do. Shit, I don't even know what I'm doing here." Then I bit my lip. Was I even allowed to swear?

When no one appeared to kick me out, I plunged on, letting my tears escape now. "Pony's gone and it's my fault. I let him run away. I let him leave. He told me he didn't feel like he belonged, like Darry didn't want him, and I just shoved it aside. I didn't make him feel any better. I shoulda been there for him. But I wasn't."

I gasped for breath as the full weight of it all sunk in on me. My baby brother was gone. I had ignored the signs and allowed it all to escalate. I let those Socs get to him and chase him out of town. The words were slipping out of my mouth.

"I should have been with him that night. Me and Stevie … we just wanted to hang out with our girls. We were selfish. _I_ was selfish. He was by his lonesome and I let him walk right into that mess. Oh God, I let him go right into it. How could I do that to him? What the hell was I thinking?"

Tears coursed down my face and I felt like a huge hole had been reopened, gaping in my chest. Breathing was hard and I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, trying to hold it all together. Just how badly did I mess all of this up?

My words echoed softly in the quiet church, making me feel less alone in my grief. I didn't deserve it though. I didn't deserve any comfort. If I was honest with myself, I'd led Ponyboy right into that trouble and then held the door open for him to run through.

And now, I was driving away the only brother I had left.

A sob broke free from my lips and sent my grief into a tailspin over which I had no control. Memories overwhelmed my thoughts and all I saw were glimpses of my brothers and the mess we called our life now. Why did it all happen to us? We didn't deserve this. We didn't ask for this.

"Please, God," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Please, bring him home. Bring Pony back to us. Bring him and Johnny both back. _Please_. I know I don't deserve it. I ain't been a good brother to him and I sure haven't been one to Dar. But Ponyboy … he's just a kid. He don't deserve this. Please, God. Don't do it for me. Do it 'cause he deserves a chance. Ponyboy don't deserve to live like this. _Please_."

My voice gave out and I let the tears come back. Steve's voice in the back of my head came out, taunting me for being such a pussy. I didn't give a shit about looking tough right now. I wanted Ponyboy home and this was my last resort. And then it struck me.

"Mama? You've gotta be there somewhere. And I know Dad is, too. I'm so sorry … I've let you guys down. I know I have. Please, keep an eye on him while he's gone. Please help him and Johnny stay safe. Please help Darry be okay. And please, _please _help me. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me be a better brother. I'm so sorry I let you down. Just … don't take Pone away from me. I need him so much. Please …"

And finally, I was out of words. I covered my face with my hands again and sighed shakily. Having gotten it all out, a strange numbness had settled over me. It was the same, blank cloud that had followed me around just after he left. That's when I realized, I really wasn't alone.

Throwing an arm around my shoulders, Steve slid silently into the pew beside me. I glared at him through my tears and he shrugged gently.

"I wanted to make sure you weren't gonna do somethin' goofy. Then again, you ain't Two-Bit, huh," he joked, trying to get a grin out of me.

I simply shook my head. "Nah. I dunno why I even came here."

"Sounds like you had a lot to get out. Seems like the place to do it."

Looking at Steve, I noticed that he looked a lot more comfortable here than I did when I first walked in. He noticed my confused look and smirked.

"I came here a lot after my mom died. She always told me if I ever wanted to talk to her, I oughta come here. It helped."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Shrugging he simply said, "Didn't ever come up."

I understood and settled for nodding. Losing his mom had been hard on him, something I understood well, but I never realized that being in church could help. It never crossed my mind. Especially not since I made such a fool out of myself the last time I came here with Pony and the other guys.

"You tell anyone 'bout this, I'll slug you," I growled half-heartedly, rubbing my face without much hope.

"I ain't gonna rat on you, Soda. But you oughta know it ain't all your fault. This whole town … it's been shot to shit for a while. This mess has been comin' for a long time. Ponyboy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Wasn't any way for you to have known that. Same with Dar. This wasn't your guys' fault."

He stared at me, his eyes burning holes into my head with their intensity. I knew he meant what he said, but there was still that raw guilt eating away at my insides that I couldn't deny. For the time being, I settled for agreeing with him. It was easier.

"C'mon. We gotta get back to work. You feelin' up to it, or do you wanna fake sick?"

Times like these remind me just how good of a buddy he is. I shook my head wearily and stood. "No, I can't call in. We need the money. Let's get out of here."

He nodded and headed towards the door. I hesitated though, glancing upward once more. My gaze landed on a stained glass window, the image of the Virgin Mary staring peacefully down upon me. Her eyes were the same shade of brown as my mom's.

A weird sense of calm stole over me, momentarily pushing away the numbness.

"Please," I whispered once more.

Then I remembered Steve was waiting for me and I turned to leave, shoving my hands deep into my pockets and staring at the ground. I thought about crossing 'pushed Darry away' off of my fuck-up list, but decided that I should probably apologize to him and not to an empty church.

Next on the list – talk to Sandy. But for now, it was back to work.

XxX

It was seven.

I stood on the whitewashed porch and wiped my hands nervously on my jeans. What the hell was my problem? This was just Sandy's house. Ain't like I haven't been here before.

Yet I knew that I didn't belong here, on her nice, clean porch. Her mother made that clear with her pointed looks and her father with his stare over the brims of his glasses. I tolerated it though, swallowing their curt replies because whether they liked it or not, I loved their daughter.

Tough love, I thought smartly as I pushed the doorbell.

The ringing echoed through her cozy home and I heard murmurs inside. Probably her mother, telling her to go get rid of the riffraff on the porch. Bitch.

A pair of bright blue eyes peeked out from behind the door, followed by my favorite girl in the world. She was the one. I felt the truth of that, deep down in my gut, whenever I thought about her. Fifty years from now I'd be sitting on a nice porch like this one with her at my side, watching our grandkids run around the yard.

"Hey there, sweetheart," I said gently, holding a hand out to her.

"Hi, Sodapop," she replied quietly, without her usual grin.

Something was wrong.

"What's eatin' you?"

She dropped my hand and walked over to the swing on her porch, shrugging. "Nothin' really. Just kinda tired I guess. I've had a lot on my mind. You haven't called me lately, Sodapop. Did you find anything out about your little brother?"

I shook my head and sat on the railing of the porch. "Not a word. Ain't nobody seen him on his way out of town. Except Dally."

I could almost hear her eyes rolling in her head at the mention of our friend. She had made it very clear how she felt about Dallas. He was nothing but a JD and would only bring the rest of us down with him. She saw no potential in him and didn't want me picking up his habits. I had laughed when she originally said it, until I looked at her. Sandy had been dead serious, so I stopped laughing.

"Oh, Soda. If he's involved – "

"Look, I know you don't like him, San. But fact is he helped my kid brother out. And he would never send Johnny off someplace he could get hurt. So Pone and Johnny hafta just be waitin' this whole thing out," I grumbled, crossing my arms like a sour little kid.

"I didn't mean he would get the boys hurt. You know how I feel about him, though," she said softly, coming over to sit beside me on the rail.

"Yeah, I know. I just wish I knew where they were. I want to know he's alright. Don't I deserve that much?"

Her small hand wrapped around mine and stroked it gently with her thumb. The action had soothed me many nights and I felt myself already relax under her touch, a surge of love rushing through me.

"Sodapop, put yourself in his shoes. If you had the cops watching you and everyone knows that you know where they are, would you let it slip? To anybody? Don't you think that might be more dangerous for the boys than keepin' it a secret?"

As always, anything coming from Sandy sounded reasonable and I felt myself nodding. She did have a point, though. Dally was protecting them, just like I would in his situation. He had to know how bad we wanted to know where Pone was, but he just couldn't spill it.

"Yeah, you're right."

She shoved me lightly. "Of course I'm right."

I smirked and glanced at her, expecting to see a waiting grin just like usual. Yet there wasn't even a hint of a smile on her face. She was hiding something, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was just yet.

"Sandy, you _sure _you're alright, hun?"

She looked closely at me for a minute and I thought for sure she was about to tell me what was on her mind. Instead she just nodded and grinned weakly.

"I'm fine, Sodapop. I oughta get back inside though. My Grandma is visiting from Florida and she wanted to spend some time with me. I'll come over sometime tomorrow, alright? You'll be home, right?"

I jumped from the railing and lifted her down gently, bringing her close to me as I did it. Nothing felt right in my life anymore. My home felt like a stranger's place and work was simply a distraction. But standing here with my girl in my arms, I felt okay. For the first time since Pony ran off, I felt like things just might turn out okay.

"Alright, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, Sandy."

I leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her face to the side, instead offering me her cheek. After a moment's hesitation, I kissed her gently. She walked to her front door, her hand resting on the knob when she looked back at me. This time I could distinctly see something in her look and it was something I didn't like. She looked sad.

"Goodbye, Sodapop."

The door closed before I could say another word and as I walked down the stairs, I realized she didn't say anything in response to what I told her. It wasn't the first time I told her I loved her, but it was only the second time she hadn't replied right away. The first was because she wasn't ready yet. And the second time was now.

Why?

Sighing, I shoved my fists into my pockets and trudged home, keeping to the back roads. Something wasn't right. I thought that seeing Sandy would make things better, even if only for a little while, and in a way they had. Yet now, this sinking feeling in my stomach couldn't be smothered by the numb cloud that followed me since my visit to the church.

She did say that she'd come see you tomorrow though, a voice in the back of my head reminded me gently. That was true. Sandy had suggested that on her own, too. So she couldn't be too upset with me. Why would she be upset at all, though? Because I hadn't called?

But she knew that I hadn't called her because I'd been worried about Ponyboy. She understood that. Sandy had a little sister and was fiercely protective of her, too. She knew that I was just too busy worrying about Pony and running all over town trying to find a hint of where he was to remember to call.

I'd make it up to her tomorrow.

I reached our house and stood outside, lighting up a cigarette before I went in. The pack had been Ponyboy's, but I figured he wouldn't mind me stealing a few. It wasn't like I smoked as much as he did anyways. Gosh that kid was like a freight train.

Even standing outside of the house, I could hear the silence. There was no noise. No laughing. No nothing. Two-Bit was hanging out with the Shepard boys, trying to catch wind of any news. Steve was always at our place now, something that didn't set well with Evie. From the looks of it, he was spending some time with her now. And Dally didn't dare set foot in our house.

That meant it was just Darry and me tonight. Fan-fuckin'-tastic. It had taken his absence to prove that Ponyboy was the life in our house. Johnny came over to hang out with him since they were best buds and Dally was never far behind. Two-Bit chummed around with them and even Steve seemed happy when Pone was around, though he hid it well. It gave him someone to target with his insults.

I smirked as I took a deep drag of my smoke, picturing the typical afternoon at our house with all of our buddies. Only now, nothing was typical. My smirk faded and I threw the cigarette into the dark, watching the ember create a glowing streak as it fell to the ground.

Time to face the music, I thought grimly as I headed inside.

Dinner was waiting on the table and when he heard the door open, Darry looked up expectantly. I didn't miss the way the hope fell from his eyes almost immediately and wondered if I got the same look on my face every time someone came in the door. I felt another piece of my heart break off. Come home, Ponyboy. Please.

"Hey," Darry said quietly, heading to the kitchen.

"Hi. Anything new around here?"

He shook his head wearily, but as I sat down across from him he spoke up. "Social Worker came by today. They caught wind of him runnin' off, but they don't know exactly what happened here. We, uh, we have to go to court. When he comes home."

I heard the silent _if_ in his sentence, but focused instead on what he did say. "So we could lose him all over again? He comes home and gets hauled off to some boys' home?"

Darry shrugged and I saw the exhaustion on his face. Suddenly, I just wanted to hug my brother. He hadn't asked for this. He hadn't asked for the responsibility and he sure as hell hadn't asked for the trouble. He was only twenty.

And I slugged him. What was wrong with me?

"We're not gonna lose him, Soda. I swear to God if I have to work overtime for the rest of my life, I will find us a lawyer and I will get us out of this. But we are _not_ losing him," Darry replied, staring blankly at the food in front of him.

I heard the strength in his voice, but with as tired as he looked, I wasn't sure if he believed what he was saying. We had to face the truth and that truth was that we could lose Pony. _If_ he should come home, it may be just to turn right back around and leave again, this time with a boys' home waiting for him.

Over my dead body.

"I believe you, Dar. I believe you."

He looked at me gratefully before dumping the rest of his dinner in the garbage. Clapping a hand on my shoulder, Darry muttered something about getting some sleep and walked down to his bedroom. The door closed quietly behind him and silence fell once more.

The realization of our situation sunk in and I felt more alone than ever. Something wasn't right with Sandy, we were no closer to finding Ponyboy now than we were three days ago, and now the court was threatening to come in and sweep him away the moment we did find him. _If _we found him.

Tears welled up once more and I groaned, brushing them away impatiently. What good did crying do? It wasn't fixing anything and it did nothing to stop the pain.

I glanced at the clock and realized that Darry had no intentions of going to sleep at this time. He just wanted to get away from me. To be left alone. These days, we were all alone.

Dropping my head to the table, I just let the tears come. Please, God. Bring him home. Don't take him away from us.

It was half past nine.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks again!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Thank you for reading and reviewing. I love hearing your thoughts on this piece.

Again, **Anon**, I don't even know what to say. Thank you so, so, so much for that review. It meant more than I could ever say. **Steph36** is one of the writers I really look up to, so hearing you say that is just amazing. Not to mention the fact that this piece and _Your Sons_ are the two I am most proud of. So, thank you. And I understand being a silent reader. Just know I appreciate you following this(:

Please pardon any typos.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Five<strong>

It was quarter to twelve.

I was mindlessly folding the laundry in our basement, my hands not in sync with my wandering mind ended up just making a mess of the clothes I was trying to fold. Sighing, I rubbed my eyes wearily and tried to focus harder on my task. At least I wasn't sitting in my room, thinking about everything that had happened yet again.

The house creaked around me and I sighed again, hopelessly alone. Steve didn't take the day off work and I couldn't say I blamed him. He'd been sticking by me like a best friend would, but he had to make his money somehow, too. Of course Darry was at work and Dally was still keeping a low profile. Two-Bit was supposed to stop by later on and I was glad to know I wouldn't spend the entire day alone.

Then I remembered Sandy said she'd drop by today. Or did she say she'd call? Either way, I thought, she'll be here and she always makes things better. A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and I gave way to happier thoughts of her and I.

Once the laundry was finally folded properly, I headed upstairs to put it all away. As I headed through the living room, I noticed a familiar figure making her way through the front gate and felt my heart jump. How lame, I thought grinning. With a new speed, I went and threw the basket of clothes in Darry's room and stopped in the bathroom, quickly straightening my hair. A soft knocking came from the front door and I made my way out to greet her.

Sandy was standing with her back to the door, leaning against the post on our porch. When I pushed the squeaky door open she jumped slightly and turned to face me. That was when I knew something was wrong.

Her eyes were dull, a strange emotion flitting across them briefly before returning to their blank stare. The small, soft hands that soothed me many times were fidgeting anxiously with her dress, the nails bitten to the quick. Automatically, I reached out to comfort her and frowned when she shrank away from my touch. What the hell was this?

"Sodapop, we need to talk."

Well, damn. If there was anything I ever learned from the countless "girl talks" I'd had with Darry, I knew if a girl said 'we need to talk' I'd fucked up. My mind raced through the past few days and searched for any sign of something I'd done to upset or hurt her. Was it because I'd been so preoccupied with Ponyboy? I thought she'd understand that.

"San, if this is because I forgot to call –", I started to explain, but she held up a hand and shook her head.

"This isn't about that, Soda. This has nothing to do with that."

I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I slowly lowered myself onto the railing of the porch. Neither of us spoke right away and the silence felt like it was suffocating me. Breathing became harder and I felt my air coming in quick, short gasps. Finally, she spoke.

"I'm leaving. That's why my grandma came to town. She's taking me with her. To Florida." Her words were quiet and measured, each one feeling like a slap to the face. She was leaving?

"Why? Who says you have to go with her?"

She shot me one more of those strange looks and I finally knew what the emotion behind it was – pity. Why was she feeling sorry for me though? My palms were sweating and I rubbed them anxiously on my jeans.

"Sodapop … I have to go. I-I'm pregnant."

I shoved off from the railing and was at her side in an instant, my hands holding her shoulders gently. A million questions raced through my mind, but the only thing that mattered was letting her know I still loved her. She had to know that this didn't change anything.

"Sandy, that don't mean you have to go away. I won't leave you. I can take care of you. We can get married and then I'll take care of you and the baby both."

She shoved me away and shook her head. "You just don't get it do you? I'm _pregnant_, Sodapop. I'm sixteen and I am pregnant. I can't get married now."

"Well I'll still take care of you," I tried, stepping towards her once more.

"Soda, the baby's not yours."

The weight of those words was like a punch to the gut. It wasn't mine? That couldn't be. I loved her. She loved me. We were going to get married and have a future together, like we'd always talked about. What was this? This couldn't be happening. Not to me. Not now.

"What do you mean it ain't mine?" My voice cracked as I spoke, giving away the agony inside.

She scoffed and crossed her arms in front of her. "I mean it's not your baby. It's someone else's. You can't help me take care of a kid that isn't yours, Soda."

I took a step backwards at the iciness of her tone. She was being serious. Dead serious. While I had been giving the relationship my all, she'd been stepping out on me? I felt the pain creeping up, but shoved it aside. I wouldn't deal with that now. Later.

"A-are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," she snapped. "Look, Sodapop I gotta go. But I had to tell you before I left. I'm sorry. I really am."

Without waiting for another word from me, she turned and made her way down our steps. She stopped at the gate and looked back at me.

"I hope Ponyboy comes home soon. I'm sorry this happened now, Sodapop."

She climbed in the waiting car and it drove off down the road. And just like that, she was gone. I listened until I could no longer hear the engine of that car before I sank to the top stair on the porch. I sat there, listening to my heart beat for God knows how long, just wondering how it could keep beating.

I'd given her my world. No, she had _been_ my world. I loved Sandy more than I'd ever loved a girl before and she never felt the same. The nights we'd spent together, the talks we'd had. Every moment was flashing through my mind at lightning speed and I could feel a killer headache coming on.

She was gone. Ponyboy was gone. Who was next, Darry? Steve?

Shut the fuck up, I thought, horrified. Don't think like that. I couldn't afford to lose anyone else. My two rocks in life were gone; one was nowhere to be found and the other made it clear that she wanted to be as far from me as possible. How could this happen? What did I do to deserve all of this?

I dropped my head into my hands and groaned as my heart thudded away in my ears, the pain slowly spreading from my chest through the rest of my body.

It was one.

XxX

There were thirty seven cracks on the ceiling in our bedroom.

I stared at them, my mind blocking out everything else. The house was deathly silent and I could hear my heart still solidly thumping in my ears. Apparently a broken heart works just as good as a normal one. It made no sense to me. None of it did.

Somehow I'd managed to make myself move after what felt like hours on the porch, but after wandering aimlessly through the house, I collapsed in our bedroom. It didn't matter. None of it did. My stomach had started grumbling angrily some time ago, but I didn't care. I wasn't hungry.

I was empty.

There had been a massive, gaping hole where Ponyboy belonged and it hurt me every day, but I found a way to push through. Sandy had given me hope. Now, the hole was twice as big and I didn't think I could function like this anymore. No, I _knew_ I couldn't. all there was left to do was lay here and wait.

What was I waiting for? Who knows. Maybe a miracle. Maybe my baby brother to come knocking through the door. But I'd lost hope in those things. I didn't believe in miracles anymore and as much as I wanted to believe, as the hours ticked by I became more and more sure that Pone would never return to us. And it was killing me.

As if to counter my negative thoughts, the front door creaked open and I heard one set of footsteps enter the living room. I couldn't help the way my ears perked up and a dash of hope raced through me. Could he really have come home?

"Anybody around?"

Not bothering to stifle my groan, I covered my face with my pillow and tried to press the angry tears back into my eyes. Two-Bit must have heard the noise because I heard his steps come down the hall and stop outside of my bedroom.

"Soda? You in there? If you're, you know, _occupied_ I can come back later on," he said, a smirk clear in his voice.

Of course, he didn't know. "I'm not occupied, Two. And I don't want company."

Something in my voice caught his attention and I heard him lean against the doorway. "What's wrong, Soda? Did you hear somethin' about the kid?"

"No, Two-Bit. It ain't got nothin' to do with Ponyboy. Just leave me alone, alright?"

"Well then what's wrong," he pushed, opening the door slowly.

I sat up and in a sudden rage, threw my pillow towards him. "Sandy left me, alright! You happy now? Get the fuck out!"

As I searched for something else to throw, the door closed quickly and I heard him hesitate in the hall outside the door. Seconds ticked by and finally, he seemed to get the hint that I was in no mood to talk about things. He headed back down the hall, but instead of hearing the door creak open, I heard the TV set crackle to life.

Well at least he wasn't going to bother me anymore. Guilt spread through me and I felt tears well up again. I had to stop snapping at everyone around me or pretty soon, I'd have no one left. Fear of losing the few remaining people I had crept up and threatened to consume me and I swallowed thickly. Maybe I did deserve all of this. I was being an ass to all of my friends and my brother. I didn't deserve a girlfriend like Sandy or a kid brother like Pony.

I didn't deserve anyone.

Miserably I pulled his pillow close to me and tried to slow my shuddering breaths. Losing it wouldn't help anything. Shit, nothing I did helped anything. It just seemed to make everything worse.

"Oh God, please help me."

Pressing my face into Ponyboy's pillow, I let a few tears leak out of the corner of my eye. Slowly, my breathing evened out and I felt the numb cloud begin settling over me again. I felt the tears dry on my face and my thoughts slowed to a stop. I'd taught myself how to shut down not long after our parents died and it was one of the few things that got me through their deaths.

In the living room, I heard Two-Bit get up and after a few minutes, he began speaking quietly. I couldn't hear anyone else, so I figured he was using the telephone. A pang of worry shot through me, concerned that he had called Darry at work. But I knew he wasn't stupid enough to pull him away from the job, so I smothered the fear once more.

I had no idea how much time was passing, but it didn't really matter. A while later, the screen door creaked again and I heard another voice join Two-Bit's in a quiet conversation. After listening for a minute, I decided it was Steve. So that's who Two had called. The two of them were most likely sitting in the kitchen, discussing how stupid I was. Can't say I blame 'em, I thought.

Yet another set of footsteps joined the duo in the house and I heard the entire mood shift. The light voices gained a strange, tenser note and I immediately knew who had stopped in to visit. I wasn't having any visitors though, so Dal just wasted his time coming over today. Sorry, bub.

His boots clattered on the floorboards as he came towards my closed door and I kept my breathing level. One knock sounded on the door, but I stayed silent. There was nothing to be said at this point. Not one damn thing.

"Hey, Curtis. I know you're in there, man. You alright?"

Breathe, two, three. Out, two, three.

"I ain't heard nothin' around town 'bout the kid, but they're both fine. Trust me. Don't need to worry about him."

Dally sighed loudly on the other side of the door and I could just see him run a hand through his hair. neither one of us spoke for a few moments and he finally caved in.

"Alright, you can hole yourself up in there for now, Curtis. But you gotta come out eventually." His steps started to leave, but then came back and he said quietly, "Sorry about your girl, man."

And then I was alone again. Breathe, out. Breathe, out. Steve and Two-Bit continued their hushed conversation in the kitchen and I continued my lapse into detachment. It was the only comfort I had.

XxX

It was just after six.

The smells from supper wafted through the house, setting my empty stomach on edge. Two-Bit and Steve had whipped something up and Darry was due home any minute now. Just one more person to try and break through my silent wall. No thanks, guys.

Not long ago, Steve came down to my room and tried to convince me to come out for supper. He stood outside of my room for what felt like eternity, but eventually he got tired of the silence and went back out to the kitchen. He was just trying to be a friend. Why block him out?

Because he'll only leave some day, too, the voice in the back of my mind said softly. Everyone that mattered left me eventually, so who was to say Steve wouldn't too? And why not Two-Bit? Or Darry? He could toss me in a boy's home if he wanted to. And with the way I'd been treating him, why wouldn't he?

Stop. My breathing was beginning to hitch once more and I had to force myself to focus, resuming the monotonous counting of the cracks in the walls. One, two, three…

Time lost all meaning to me and after a while, the familiar rumble of our truck sounded outside. The door slammed shut and moments later, the front opened up. Darry was home. His normal path through the house was straight from the door to the shower, but I heard Steve call him from the kitchen. Probably telling him about his nutcase of a brother, I thought tiredly. What did I care?

Eventually I heard Darry's heavy footsteps meandering down the hallway, but they stopped in the bathroom like always. The shower turned on, peaking my curiosity even more. Wasn't he coming in to lecture me? To force me to talk, like everyone else seemed hell-bent on doing? I held my breath when the water turned off and listened as his footsteps came closer to my door before turning to his own room.

Why wasn't he coming in to see me? My heart twisted in my chest as I realized he probably didn't want to see me. I had been nothing but a dick to him, so why would he go out of his way to comfort me? I didn't deserve it. I deserved to lie there, alone. And that's exactly what I would do.

While I was deep in thought, Darry had made his way back into the hallway and gently pushed my door open. One look at my brother was all it took and I felt my mind kick into high gear.

"Hey there, Pepsi," he said softly, closing the door behind him. "You alright?"

I simply shrugged, not wanting to talk about it because to say it meant that it was true. And it just couldn't be.

"Two-Bit told me somethin' happened with Sandy."

Hearing her name sent another stab of pain through my chest and I nodded. "She's pregnant."

Those whispered words hung in the air and I watched the shock and concern flicker across his face. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

"It wasn't mine, Dar."

"What?"

I shook my head and whispered, "It wasn't mine. I told her it didn't matter … I woulda married her anyways. But she – she didn't want me. Oh God, Darry. What's wrong with me?"

In a second he was sitting next to me on our bed, holding me close in one of his protective hugs. "You listen here, little buddy. There isn't _anything_ wrong with you. You read me? Nothing. Don't go thinkin' that, okay? Just let it out, Pepsi. Just let it out."

So I did.

Tears poured from my eyes, blinding me to my surroundings. I stopped caring about who was listening, who could see me at this point. It just didn't matter anymore. What did matter? My baby brother, the center of my world for as long as I could remember, was gone off to God knows where. And now, the one girl that seemed to accept me, social class and all, walked out of my life without so much as a second thought.

Why did this happen to us? What did we do to deserve this shit? Was there someone out there somewhere that just watched us and the moment we started to heal, started to piece ourselves back together, pushed a button to send some new disaster spinning at us?

Apparently, my thoughts turned into words that were exposed for everyone to hear.

"I dunno, Pepsi. It'll be alright though," Darry soothed, rubbing my back like our mother always did.

My sobs slowed slightly, but the pain seemed to magnify throughout my body. Through the haze of tears, I could see Steve sitting on the floor of the room, a hand covering his face. Two-Bit stood beside him in the doorway wearing the most solemn look I had ever seen. And Darry sat next to me, allowing me to sob endlessly onto his shoulder. We were the tattered remains of our gang.

The tears kept flowing long after my sobs stopped and at some point, Darry convinced me to climb under the sheets in bed. Steve and Two-Bit silently retreated to their posts in the living room, but not before I saw the redness in my best friend's eyes. If there was one thing I knew about Steve, it was he hated to see his friends hurting. It tore him up more than anything.

I opened my mouth to call out to him and apologize for breaking down, but Darry shushed me and brushed my hair back, telling me to try and sleep. What seemed like hours later, I felt myself drifting into a fitful rest. Ponyboy and Sandy kept appearing in front of me, but just when I reached out to touch them, they disappeared like smoke. I would wake up frantic, thrashing against the sheets, only to see I was alone and fall back into the same nightmare.

When I woke up next, I felt a warm arm protectively wrapped around my shoulders. Glancing over, I saw Darry sound asleep on Ponyboy's side of the bed. Tears sprang to my eyes again, but I rolled back over anyways. At least I still had one brother with me. One brother and two best friends. And I wasn't letting them go.

Please come home, Ponyboy. _Please_.

It was ten.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Sorry this took so long…it was actually really hard to write for some reason. I just wanted to take a second and say that Sandy is a bit…different in this chapter. I have my reasons for it and if it doesn't work for you, feel free to PM me and I'll let you know what I was thinking.

Anyways, many thanks for reading this. Two more chapters to go. Anything you'd like to see in it? Suggestions in a review, please.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** As always, thank you so much. I appreciate all of the feedback.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Six<strong>

It was ten.

I stood behind the counter at the DX, my eyes staring blankly at the counter. If someone asked me how I got to work that morning, I couldn't honestly tell them. That morning had simply been my body going through the motions that I did every day without my brain engaging in anything. It was a shock that I hadn't broken anything in my haze that morning.

On the way through the living room I had stumbled across the end table and the lamp would have shattered if Darry hadn't caught it swiftly, before turning to study me carefully.

"You okay, little buddy?"

I'd nodded blankly and continued on my way. And now I was at work. A couple of girls had come in just a few minutes ago, giggling and talking about some movie that was out. I think one of them tried to talk to me, but I simply rang up their items and sent them out the door.

"Curtis, car at the pumps!"

Without a thought, I shoved away from the counter and out of the door, making my way to the parked car at the pump.

"Just a fill up today, ma'am?" The words came out dull and flat, nothing like my normal voice.

If I'd actually been listening to myself speak, I would have heard how wrong it sounded, but my mind was somewhere far from the DX. The lady in the car didn't seem to mind and told me that would be fine, so I continued my normal process – unscrew the gas cap, take out the nozzle, insert the nozzle, let the gas flow.

After a few moments, I felt my leg growing wetter and frowned, glancing down as I did so. A steady stream of gasoline was flowing from the nozzle which sat a good three inches away from the car.

"Dammit!"

"Excuse me," the woman drawled, frowning crossly at me.

By that time Steve had come out from the garage to see what was keeping me and upon seeing my gasoline soaked leg, he simply pointed towards the store and said, "Go."

So I did.

Instead of going into the store, I headed around back to the garage. I grabbed a fistful of rags and rubbed at my jeans, knowing perfectly well that it would do no good to rub at them. They were soaking with the strong smelling gas and no matter what I did, I couldn't mask the fact that I had poured almost an entire tank-worth of gasoline down my front. The boss probably wouldn't thank me for that.

The door opened and Steve stepped inside, shaking his head slowly as he saw me scrubbing half-heartedly at my leg.

"Soda, I say this 'cause I'm your friend and I give a shit about you … get the hell outta here. You ain't got no business bein' at work today and you know it."

I stared up at him helplessly. "I gotta work, Stevie. We need the money."

"Dammit, I'll give you my paycheck! Just go home, before you burn the joint down or somethin'."

Something on my face must have caught his attention, because I saw his entire demeanor change. Steve squatted down next to me and grabbed some of the rags from the ground, twisting them in his hands. A small frown creased his face and then his dark gaze was on me.

"Soda, I'm worried about you alright? You've been through hell and it ain't right. I know you and Superman need the money, so let me help out a bit for today. Don't say no, either. You aren't gonna get anything done here. Just go on home and get some sleep or something. You read me?"

Slowly, I felt myself nod. He was right, as he almost always was. If I'd already doused myself in gasoline, who was to say I wouldn't light up a cig without thinking and go up in flames? With as cloudy as my head was feeling, I knew it was only a matter of time before something worse happened.

"Yeah, alright. I'm sorry, Stevie."

He clapped a hand on my shoulder gently. "Don't be sorry, Pop. Just get better, okay? I know you're hurtin', but we're gonna bring Ponyboy home. I promise you that. I'll go find him myself, but he _will_ come home."

My eyes burned, but no tears came. I think I cried myself dry last night. Just hearing Pony's name made my chest ache, something that wasn't a new feeling. It meant a lot to me to hear Steve still believing that he would come home. But I was being realistic.

"C'mon. Let's go call Two-Bit. He can give you a lift back to your place."

We stood up and I dusted myself off, my leg still uncomfortably wet. Steve threw a friendly arm around my shoulder and with his guidance and support, we made our way back inside. He went to our boss' office to tell him what was going on and I grabbed the phone, hoping that Two would be on the other end.

"Yello?"

"Two? Would you give me a ride home? Work just ain't gonna happen today," I mumbled, rubbing my face.

"Sure thing, Soda. Be there in a jiff."

The phone went dead and I hung it up, glancing up to see Steve coming out of Ben's office. He nodded to me to show it was alright before heading back into the garage. If he was going to help us pay for stuff, he couldn't afford to take the time to sit and chat now. I felt a strong burst of compassion for my friends explode in my chest, temporarily burning away the pain.

Glancing up at the clock, I just hoped that Two-Bit would get to the DX soon. Now that I knew I was going home, I felt more exhausted than ever.

It was just after eleven.

XxX

Taking another deep drag on my cigarette, I stared at the coffee table. There was a small ding in the corner of it where Ponyboy had fallen and cracked his head open when he was seven. My eyes kept tracing over it, remembering him crying and feeling so scared for him. There had been blood everywhere. But our mother had patched him up and with her soothing voice, set us all at ease.

Those were the days.

I crushed my cancer stick and stuck it in the beer can on the table, standing to go over to the mantle in our living room. On it sat at least a dozen pictures, some of us boys, some of our parents, and some of all of us together. One of my favorite images sat near the end, one of the last photos that our mother had been in. It was a picture of her and Ponyboy, sitting together at the piano.

He had been so good at playing, taking such pride in learning from our mom. Once she died, he had walked over to it one day and slammed the cover down, never touching the keys again. It had always struck me as unfair that Pony had spent the least amount of time with our parents. Our dad taught Darry and I about girls, shaving, and being a man. Mom had been there to teach us our manners and how to behave like a gentleman. And poor Ponyboy had missed out on all of that.

Grabbing the family portrait, I studied it carefully. Dad was looking at our mother lovingly as she laughed at the three of us boys. Darry was rolling his eyes, but grinning at me and Ponyboy. Looking at my baby brother and I in the corner of the picture made my chest ache.

He was only six in the picture and I was tickling him mercilessly. His face was red from the laughter and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Behind him, I had a wide grin on my face and an arm thrown around his shoulders protectively. We'd been like that since I could remember … until now, that is.

The pain threatened to choke me and I set the picture back down, swallowing the bitter pain. I stumbled down the hallway into our bedroom and sat slowly at Ponyboy's desk. Drawings and papers were scattered across the table and I was afraid to move them. They were exactly where he had left them and disrupting them felt like I was destroying evidence that he had actually been here.

Curiosity got to me though and I uncovered one of the drawings he had hidden in the corner. My jaw dropped open as I realized I was looking at a picture of myself with Steve, working under the hood of Two-Bit's old car. I'd known that Pony had a gift when it came to art, but I'd never realized just how good he was. The details in the picture amazed me, from the detail on the car to the curls in Steve's hair. Everything was so real … so lifelike.

When he came home, I oughta have him show me some more of these, I thought before stopping myself. The odds of Ponyboy ever returning home were slim and I knew that. The knowledge brought no relief though. In fact, I'd never felt more helpless in my life.

The night our parents died, I thought that things could never get worse. I remembered the cops on our porch, the way they took off their hats and told Darry how sorry they were to have to tell us the news, the way I felt like the entire world had suddenly collapsed inwards and I forgot how to breathe. But then Ponyboy came down the hallway, looking so small and so lost. I found my purpose again. I found my reason to keep going without Mom and Dad.

I had to keep going for him.

And now, I didn't even have that. I didn't have him there anymore, silently pushing me to keep going. All I had was a terrible pain and a gray haze that seemed to surround everything. Nothing made sense anymore. How could it? Everything I knew, everything I trusted was gone.

Without thinking, I grabbed the nearest piece of blank notebook paper and began writing anxiously, letting it all out. I addressed it to Ponyboy and before I knew it, the entire page was full of my loopy writing. Staring at it, I wondered why I had even bothered. He would never read it. I had no way to ever get it to him.

But Dally does, the voice in the back of my mind said. And for once, I felt relieved. Of course, Dal would give it to him. I'd make him take the letter. He couldn't say no. I wouldn't accept a no. Not at this point.

Inspiration struck me again and I grabbed at the only other blank paper I could see and carefully wrote her name at the top, weighing my words more carefully than I had with Ponyboy's letter. His was purely emotion, practically begging him to be alright and to come home. This one was different … I had to convince Sandy to come back.

Slowly, the words came to me and I wrote carefully. Maybe she thought I was too stupid because I never finished High School. If that was the case, then I'd go back for her. I'd get my diploma or whatever it was I had to do, if that was what it would take for her to come back to me. I read and reread my words over and over, making sure I didn't spell anything too horribly wrong or sound like a complete pussy.

When I was finally satisfied, I carefully folded both of the letters and went to the kitchen, grabbing the box of envelopes in the cupboard and stuffing two of them. After a quick phone call to Evie to get Sandy's new address, I jotted it down carefully on the paper and then grabbed the phone again. Damn if I didn't wish I had a car of my own.

"Yello?"

"Two-Bit, I need to borrow your car," I said, my voice crackly from lack of use.

I heard his hesitation when he replied, "And where exactly are you goin' hot-roddin' off to? Not that I'm sayin' no, but …"

"I got a couple errands to run. Damnit Two, can I use your ride or not?" My patience was wearing thin and speaking was making my head throb.

"Sure thing, Soda. I'll have the keys ready for you."

"Thanks, man."

I hung up the phone without another word and grabbed my wallet, heading out of the house. First stop would be the easiest, the post office. As I walked, I kept glancing over my shoulder and down the streets ahead of me. Even though a tentative peace had been called for, at least until the rumble that was set, no one felt safe walking anywhere. It was hell and I was so tired of it all.

Finally I reached Two-Bit's small house and he was sitting on the porch with a beer and the keys in his hand, just like he said. I took it for granted how good of a buddy he really was. Note to self, stop snapping at him and start appreciating what he does, I thought sternly.

"Hey, Two. Thanks for this, man. I'll be back in a half hour tops," I greeted, palming the keys and clapping his shoulder.

"No problem, Soda. Just be careful alright?"

I looked at him and noticed the way his gray eyes were totally sober and sizing me up carefully. Of course. Leave it to Steve to get the word out as soon as he could – Soda's off his fuckin' rocker.

"Steve called you, didn't he," I asked, my voice already starting to rise.

"Now hold on there a second. He was worried about you, okay? We all are. Shit, Soda we're all worried about _everybody_ right now. Darry ain't been alright since the kid left, Dally's holed up at Buck's, and Steve and me keep runnin' all over town every damn night searchin' for some bit of news. And you … Soda you look like a fuckin' steamroller ran your ass over. And I'm worried about you. And you'd better believe Stevie is, too."

As his rant went on, I felt the wind slowly exit my lungs and by the time he was finished, I sat on the steps of his porch. He was right. Two-Bit was speaking so clearly and so honestly, it hurt to hear. Everyone was falling apart, including myself. Johnny and Ponyboy were the centerfolds of our gang and without them, there wasn't much left. We were all just aimlessly wandering along, trying to find our direction.

"Shit, Soda. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to come out the way it did," Two-Bit said quietly, sitting next to me.

"No, Two. You were right. I'm sorry for bein' an ass. I gotta stop bitchin' at everybody that tries to help me. Nothing's alright and you guys are just tryin' to help. Damnit, I'm sorry." I rubbed my face tiredly and just shook my head.

We sat there for a few minutes longer, neither of us speaking anymore. Finally having regained some strength, I stood up.

"I'll bring the car back soon. Thanks again, man."

Without waiting for more from him, I headed to his beater and climbed in carefully. I said a quick prayer that it would start and for once I was answered as it roared to life. With a wave, I sped down the street and away from my buddy's house. The windows down and the air whipping through the car felt good, like I was finally getting some of the haze cleared out from my head.

I ran into the post office and dropped off Sandy's letter, hoping that it would be enough to convince her to come back to me. When I told her I'd marry her, I'd meant it and as I thought about the whole thing, I knew I still meant it. I would do whatever I could to get her back in my life.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, I pulled into the empty lot at Buck's. It was still early in the day, too early for the normal party-goers to be out yet. My tennis shoes squeaked loudly on the wooden floors and Buck nodded to me from behind the bar. I returned the gesture and glanced upstairs. Dally's door was closed, so the odds were he was there.

Buck noticed my glance and nodded again. "He's up there, alright. Don't hardly never come down."

"Thanks, Buck."

Heading upstairs, I fidgeted with the letter in my hand nervously. What if he said no? What if he laughed and told me to get out? Dal was my only hope of getting word to Ponyboy, but he could deny me.

No. I wouldn't let him. There was no fuckin' way I would come this far and walk away with the letter in my hands and my tail between my legs. Hell no.

I opened the door without knocking and was surprised to find Dally in much the same position as he was the last time, sitting casually on his bed and smoking slowly. He glanced up when I came in and I must of looked like hell. He whistled lowly and grabbed his pack of cigs, holding it out to me.

"Curtis, you look like hell. Take one. Shit, take the whole thing."

Shaking my head, I settled for one cancer stick and lit it up quickly, inhaling the calming smoke. After a few moments of silence, I decided just to go for it. I threw the letter on the bed and it landed just next to his knee. With one look, I could tell he knew what was in there.

"Dallas, I'm not asking you where they are. I'm not askin' you to tell me anything and I'm not askin' you to take me to them. But I am askin' you to give him that. We know that you got them hidden real good. You're my buddy, Dally. I got your back in any fight and I know you got mine. Just give that to him. Please."

He stared at it for a second before looking up at me with an expression torn between regret and respect. "Soda, you know I can't take it man. That would mean I know where they are. The fuzz …"

"To hell with the fuzz, Dal," I cried, but it came out more of a sad whisper. "I ain't stupid, Dally. Lotta people think I am, but I'm not. Just give him the damn letter. Please. I won't ask anything else. Just give it to him whenever you see him next."

We had a silent stare down between us, neither willing to blink first. I could see him wordlessly sizing me up, judging just how serious I was about this. Refusing to back down, I stared right back and was just daring him with my gaze to refuse the letter.

And for the first time, Dally nodded. He grabbed the letter and carefully folded it once, placing it securely in his leather jacket pocket. "Alright, Curtis. Alright."

Relief flooded my system and I sighed heavily, suddenly exhausted. All of the adrenaline and preparation for a fight rushed out of me and I realized that I wanted nothing but to curl up in bed and wait. For what, I didn't know.

"Thanks, Dal."

He nodded once and then looked at me seriously. "Just do me a favor."

"Yeah?"

"Go home and get sleep. I wasn't kiddin' when I said you look like hell."

I sighed. "Sure thing. See you later, man."

Turning to go, I pulled the door shut behind me and rubbed my face once more. The drive home suddenly seemed so much farther than it had been before. At the end of the drive though was home. Empty and silent, but at that moment, it was the only comfort I could find.

XxX

It was four thirty.

Darry shoved the door open with a sigh and threw his jacket on the coat rack. I glanced at the clock and frowned.

"You're home a half hour early, Dar. Somethin' happen?"

He shook his head and collapsed onto the couch. "Boss told me to go home. Almost fell off a roof today and broke my neck. Guess he figured I was more of a liability at this point than I was a help."

I grimaced and patted his knee to show I understood. "I nearly set my leg on fire at work, if it makes you feel any better."

"Yeah, Steve told me about that. That's why I went in to work this afternoon," he said, a ghost of a grin on his face. "Guess neither of us was much use today, huh?"

"Guess not."

Silence fell between us and the television hummed steadily, the only sound in the house. It struck me again how much we depended on Ponyboy to liven the place up, even if it was just to get on his case for leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor or smoking in the bedroom. At least he brought life to the house. Without him, there was nothing.

"Glory, Soda. I dunno what I'm supposed to do anymore."

Horrified, I looked over and saw my big brother, my rock, cradling his head in his hands and tears leaking through his fingers. I got up from the recliner and sat next to him, unsure what to do at this point. How was I supposed to tell him it would all be alright, that we would get through this mess, when I didn't believe it myself?

"Dar, you don't always have to know what to do. You're not Dad, alright? And I don't mean that in a bad way, neither. You just – you gotta let us help, too. Me and Stevie and Two and Dal. Shit Darry, we're all in the same boat. We all get it. You don't always have to have it all together," I said, leaning against him tiredly.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and heaved a shaky breath. "I'm supposed to be the responsible one, though. I'm supposed to be the adult. I have to keep everything going right. Mom and Dad would want that. Now look what happened. My baby brother is missing and probably hates me and – "

"Shut up right now, Dar. You _know_ he doesn't hate you. He could never hate you. The two of you just don't dig each other right. It's 'cause you're too much alike ya know," I joked, nudging his ribs.

"If he ever comes home, I swear I'll do right. God, I swear it. I won't push him away no more. Or you. Soda, I'm so sorry. And in the middle of all of this, you've been dealing with Sandy and I haven't even been there for you with that. I'm a real shit of a brother."

I hit his knee with my fist and glared at him. "Dar, I'm doin' just fine. Well no, I'm not fine. But when Ponyboy comes home, we'll get through it. Okay? Stop worryin' about me, okay? We're gonna get through this. I promise. And after it's all over, we're gonna work together to get through these messes we seem destined to get into."

Not bothering to respond, Darry wrapped me into a bear hug and the two of us just sat there, each of us silently clinging to the only true family we had left. It killed me to hear everything he blamed himself for and I meant what I said when I promised to do more. There was no need for Darry to be the only one parenting here. When Pony came home, I'd do my part, too. We weren't going to do this alone.

I realized that I'd starting thinking about Pony coming home as a guaranteed event again rather than a slight hope. Something inside my had shifted and the overwhelmingly hopeless feeling was replaced with a tentative hope once more. Darry and I were gonna get him back. We had to. He was our responsibility and he wasn't going to stay away for one more night. Not on my watch.

"Oh, shit," Darry cursed, pulling back. "I didn't even think to make dinner."

"C'mon, we'll go out to eat. I'll buy."

He glanced at me skeptically and I grinned slightly. "Relax, Dar. Benny gave me a little extra today. It'll be good for us to get out. Alright?"

Darry hesitated for a moment before slowly nodding. "Alright, little buddy. Let's hit it."

Grabbing my wallet, I waited as Darry grabbed the keys and turned out the lights. Something was different. I could feel it. Ponyboy _was_ coming home. Before, it had been Darry and I fighting separately, individually. It wasn't working that way, but when the two of us joined forces, I knew it was only a matter of time before he came back to us.

We're comin' for you, baby.

It was quarter to six.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** One more chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I finally found it! My computer got a virus and I thought it deleted everything, but alas here it is! :D I'm so excited haha. Hope you all enjoy this one.

**Disclaimer:** S.E. Hinton owns _The Outsiders_.

* * *

><p><strong>Day Seven<strong>

It was eight thirty.

Something woke me up and, alarmed, I looked around to figure out what it was. Then I realized the bright light shining through my bedroom window. For the first time since Ponyboy had left, it was sunny out. A small smile appeared on my face and I stretched before flopping back against Pone's pillow.

Even though I still woke up in the middle of the night, my face fresh with tears, something felt different this morning. Maybe it was the knowledge that today was the first day Darry and I were fighting together. It was a new day and for the first time, I felt a slight hope that the phone might just ring.

Deciding to surprise Darry, I clambered out of bed and cleaned myself up. Then I headed for the kitchen to make breakfast. As I walked through the living room I noticed Steve passed out on our couch. There were dark circles under his eyes and I realized that he meant it when he said that he'd been going out at night searching for signs of Ponyboy.

Once in the kitchen, I found some pancake batter and began whipping some up. Normally music would be playing and at least three people would be loudly, and badly, singing along. Not since the kids left, though. Once they came back though, things would be alright. They had to be.

Sudden inspiration struck and I rummaged through the drawer, looking for the box of food coloring. When I found it, I grabbed the red tube out and dropped the dye into the batter generously. It had been too long since we had red pancakes, I thought.

Down the hall I heard Darry start moving around just as I was finishing up the rest of the cakes. Steve started grumbling in the living room, indicating I was no longer the only one awake in the house. I'd enjoyed the quiet, but was glad that the guys were waking up. I was itching to get the day going and get a head-start on finding Ponyboy. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

"Mornin', Stevie boy," Two-Bit's cheery voice broke through the silence and I heard grumbles from the living room in reply.

"Just finished breakfast, Two. You're welcome to it," I hollered over my shoulder, serving the tall stack of cakes onto one plate.

Two-Bit caught one look at the red pancakes and cocked his eyebrow. "Red?"

I shrugged. "Sure. Seemed like the day for it."

"Interesting you say that. You talk to Dal this mornin'?"

He now had my full attention. Setting the plate on the table, I wiped my hands off before crossing my arms over my chest. Two-Bit cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair, waiting for my answer.

"Spill it, Mathews. You know damn well I ain't talked to Dally today. What gives?"

"Got a call from Buck before I came over here. Turns out ole Dallas borrowed his T-Bird and hit the road bright an' early."

By then, Darry and Steve had joined our conversation and were listening intently. I spoke first.

"How early did he leave?"

Two-Bit shrugged and glanced at the clock. "Well, if Dal was up by now on his own account, I'd say he has a bit of a drive to wherever he's goin' off to. And he wouldn't wake up early just for a joy ride."

"He's got a point," Steve mumbled, running a hand through his wild hair. "You think he went to see the kids?"

I sat there and silently considered the odds of that. Out of all of the things Dally was known for, being an early riser wasn't on that list. The only reason he was ever out and about before ten was if he had a place to be or a place to be away from. The fact that Dal had already left town meant something and my gut level told me that my letter was going to be delivered after all.

"Well, we're not going to find out right now," Darry muttered, clapping a hand on my shoulder before sitting at the table. "Why don't we eat first?"

"Yeah, I made red pancakes," I said, grinning slightly.

Steve shook his head and a wry smirk made its way across his tired face. "Ain't no way I'm eatin' red pancakes without coffee, man. Too early for this."

Laughing, Two-Bit slapped him on the back firmly and started to work on making some strong coffee. With the four of us eating breakfast and actually having a relaxed conversation, someone passing by might have thought things were back to normal. And inside, it almost felt like that.

But only almost. The two smallest and most important members of our gang weren't here enjoying the meal with us and thinking of my golden brother and his dark-haired buddy, I felt my smile slip a bit. It was a new day though. And with every new day, there was a new chance.

There just had to be.

It was just after eleven.

XxX

It was nine fifteen.

My leg was jittering anxiously and my thumbnail was nearly bitten to the quick. Realizing that I was about to draw blood, I switched to gnawing on my other thumb. Things had been too quiet today and I didn't like it. Judging from the way Darry had been pacing the living room, he didn't like it all that much either.

The whole day had been oddly quiet. Darry and I worked together well, organizing things aorund the house for when the case worker would stop by later in the week and making some phone calls to people, searching for any signs of Ponyboy, Johnny, or even Dally. Once we got those things out of the way, we'd settled in the living room and neither one of us knew what to do from there. So we sat in silence, both of us brooding over our own deep thoughts.

Two-Bit had been keeping an eye on Buck's parking lot all afternoon and had yet to see the familiar old T-Bird reappear. That meant Dally was still gone and while he wasn't around, my nerves were on edge. Did it really take him over a day to get to Johnny and Pone? Or had something gone wrong and he couldn't show his face again in Tulsa? Was Ponyboy still alright?

"Pepsi, you okay?"

I glanced up and realized Darry was staring intently at me, concern clear on his face. "Yeah, just thinkin' a lot I guess."

"You were breathin' funny. That's why I asked. I'll get you somethin' to drink."

Before I could brush him off, he had disappeared into the kitchen. He's only keeping himself busy since he's so worked up, I thought. Something was different tonight. Something was setting us on edge and although I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I didn't like it. Not one bit.

The front door swung open and I jumped, glancing to see who came in. In the kitchen, I heard Darry drop the glass on the counter and hurry to the living room. Steve and Two-Bit stared guiltily back at us and I collapsed back into the chair. Of course, it wasn't Ponyboy. Our luck hadn't changed that dramatically. He wouldn't just walk through the door. We oughta know better.

"Sorry, Pop," Steve muttered, rubbing his head awkwardly.

Waving him off, I said, "Don't worry 'bout it. We're just jumpy 'round here. Dunno why."

Two-Bit sat at the other end of the couch and nodded. "Us too. Somethin' feels different tonight. I dunno. Even in town, you could just feel it. Ain't heard about anything happenin', but it's just different."

Steve shot Two-Bit a weird glance and got up to switch on the TV set. "Whatever, Two-Bit. I think you're a bit buzzed still. That's the 'difference' in the air."

I smirked and turned my attention to the show that was on, ignoring the bantering of my friends. Near the kitchen, the phone started to ring and everyone in the room fell silent. It was the first phone call in nearly a week and no one knew what to make of it. I just stared at Darry, unable to move.

Thankfully he wasn't as stunned into stillness as the rest of us, and he grabbed the phone off of the cradle, speaking quickly into the receiver. I watched him carefully and saw his eyes widen, a slight frown creasing his forehead. Something _was _different. Slowly, I stood up and walked over to where my brother stood still, listening closely to whoever was speaking on the other end of the line. Behind me I could hear Two-Bit and Steve murmuring quietly.

Darry set the phone back in its place and looked at me with an intensity that scared me. But his words were what shook me into motion.

"They've got Ponyboy. We gotta go to the hospital."

I didn't need to hear anymore. All that mattered was a short car ride separated me and my baby brother and I didn't care who was in my way. I was getting him back. Rushing for the door, I grabbed my sneakers and barreled outside, Darry on my heels. It wasn't until we were in the truck and roaring away from our driveway that I noticed Steve and Two-Bit hadn't come with us.

"Two and Stevie stayin' at the house," I asked, breaking the intense silence.

Darry shrugged. "I dunno. They may head to their houses. Probably didn't wanna come with us. Figured it'd be somethin' we'd do alone. Ya know?"

Looking at my brother, I saw how pale he looked and suddenly, I wasn't so sure why we were going to a hospital. "Dar, why are they takin' him to a hospital? Is he ... I mean, he's okay, right?"

"There was a fire."

I waited for more explanation, but none came. Darry stared silently out of the front windshield and I looked out of my window. A fire? How bad? Who was in it? What happened to Ponyboy? Hundreds of questions and thoughts came flooding into my mind and a sharp pain seared across my forehead. Rubbing my eyes until I saw stars, I tried desperately to slow my thoughts. Ponyboy was alright. He _had_ to be. We couldn't function if he wasn't.

What seemed like seconds later, Darry hurtled into the parking lot and without waiting for the truck to stop, I threw the door open and was running across the lot. I heard Darry thundering along right behind me and without speaking, we stumbled through the hospital doors. My eyes flew around the room, searching for the familiar face that was nowhere to be seen as Darry composed himself and spoke to the receptionist.

"Third floor," Darry said, as he hurried off in the direction of the elevators with me hot on his tail.

Luck was on our side and the door opened as soon as we hit the button. Once the doors closed, I felt my heart racing in my chest and stared at Darry, unable to speak. What if something _had_ happened to him? What would we do? Darry simply stared back and offered a ghost of a smile. It did nothing to soothe my worries, but it felt good to know he was there. We had to face this together.

The elevator finally dinged and the doors opened slowly. I burst through the opening and everything seemed to disappear. I scanned the waiting room quickly, taking in all of the faces sitting quietly. An elderly couple in the corner, a black-faced and blond teenager, a hefty man, and a middle aged woman. My heart in my throat, I felt like choking from the disappointment. Ponyboy wasn't here! He wasn't in the waiting room. That had to mean he was being treated. Was it bad?

As my breathing hitched in my chest, I noticed the blond teen rising from his seat with the strangest expression on his face. He looked relieved to see me. But why? I didn't know him, I thought, confused. Yet upon a second glance, I took in his size, his clothes, and his face. He sure looked different, but right in front of me was my brother. It was him.

"Ponyboy." My voice cracked as the two of us ran, closing the distance in a matter of steps.

And then I felt the impact of him running into me, his arms clasped tightly around my back and mine around him. He was safe. I would never let him leave again. Oh God, thank you. _Thank you_. Pulling back from him, I took in his appearance and a smart grin spread across my face.

"Oh God, your hair. Your tuff hair," I joked, ruffling his head affectionately.

He said nothing, just smiled and stared intensely at me. I couldn't help but stare back. It had been so long since I'd seen him, I couldn't believe how much I missed Ponyboy. That's when I realized that Darry wasn't with us.

Glancing back, I saw him hesitating by the elevator. The way he was shifting his weight and rubbing his hands on his jeans made me realize that Darry wasn't afraid of Ponyboy being hurt. He was afraid that Ponyboy would be scared of _him_. Looking to Pony, I saw his resolve crumble and with tears in his eyes, he rushed towards our big brother. The two of them clung to one another, both crying and speaking softly. I watched them for a moment, letting them make their peace before I joined them, wrapping my arms around the two most important people in my life. They were my family and we were all together again.

Thank God.

After what seemed like ages, we separated. Each of us stood, somewhat awkwardly, searching for a sign of where to go from here. I watched as Darry slowly reached out and rubbed Pony's cheek with his thumb, much like our dad used to do. This was much more significant, though, and I knew that Ponyboy felt that. He smiled and hugged Darry firmly again. Relief washed over my oldest brother's face and I felt myself relax. Maybe things would be alright for us now.

"C'mon. Let's go home," I said, throwing an arm around Ponyboy's shoulders and pulling him close.

The ride home was quiet, but no conversation was needed. Ponyboy sat between Darry and me. At some point he fell asleep, his head rolling onto my shoulder. I smirked and shifted a bit, letting him get more comfortable. Nothing could feel more right, I thought, than having my two brothers here with me. Safe.

"Dally and Johnny are in the hospital," Darry whispered in the darkness.

I frowned. "They'll be alright though, right?"

He was quiet for a minute. "One of them's bad off. The other burned his arm bad. They wouldn't tell me who on the phone. Just thought you should know so we're on the same page with Pone tomorrow and everything."

Even though I knew he couldn't see me, I nodded in response and subconsciously held onto Ponyboy a little tighter. We were lucky he hadn't been hurt worse. We turned a corner and pulled up in front of our house. A strange excitement came over me as I realized it would be the first night in a week that I could sleep soundly. I would have Ponyboy sleeping under the same roof and finally under my watch. I would never let him out of my sight again. Not for a minute.

I opened the truck door and Darry reached in for Ponyboy, not even bothering to wake him. He muttered something about Ponyboy losing weight, but that didn't phase me. He was home. We'd have plenty of time to get him back to normal. I held the gate open for him and hurried ahead to grab the front door, too. It felt so good to be all home together that I didn't notice how exhausted I was until we reached Pone and my bedroom.

Darry set Ponyboy gently on the bed and stood there, shaking his head with a smile on his face. Ponyboy was already sound asleep, snoring lightly as he curled up in his bed. I threw my shirt and jeans in a pile on the floor and climbed in beside him, smiling when his arm latched around me like it always had. God it was good to have him back. Darry stood there a moment longer before turning uncertainly back towards the door.

"Dar," I whispered. "Get over here. There's plenty of room."

He smirked and shook his head, but made his way to the other side of the bed nonetheless. The three of us held onto one another and I felt myself easily slipping off into sleep. Not before I said another quick prayer, thanking God and our parents and any other angels that were listening for returning Pony to us. As if he heard my thoughts, Pone's arm tightened around my chest. I squeezed his hand gently and snuggled into the sheets.

Darry was already asleep, his snores joining in with Ponyboy's softer ones in a weird kind of song. I smiled again and shook my head, nearly asleep. They'd deny it until the end, but those two were more alike than they thought. And at the end of the day, they were family. We'd never fall apart like this again. I'd make sure of it.

"I love you guys. Goodnight, baby."

It was ten forty.

The end.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Shorter chapter, but I think we all knew it was coming anyways(;

Massive thank you goes to the people that have read and reviewed this story.

As always **TaylorPaige24**, thanks for listening and bouncing ideas around. You're the best(: **OutsidersFanatic** your reviews were always very insightful and really kept me writing. Thanks! Everyone else that took time to share your thoughts, I read and took each of them to heart. Thank you.

_My Darkest Days _is my priority right now, but I'd really like to do some more one shots or short stories like this one and _Your Sons_. I have no ideas for them at this point though, so if you have anything you'd like to see me write, feel free to PM me or leave it in your review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Also, I haven't totally scrapped _Life After You _so be patient with me there.

Thank you all so much. I appreciate and value every one of you that follow my work.

-Independence Undervalued.


End file.
